Little Note of Love
by a-little-short-of-a-fairytale
Summary: When the new boy sits next to Phil, he fears he'll be just like the others. When the new boy passes him a note, his heart skips and he's filled with hope that he'll be different. Little does he know, Dan will change his life and make it worth living again. Rated M for angst/smut.
1. The New Boy

**Hi! This is a new story I'm working on. The idea popped into my head a while back and as I'm tying my other fic up, I wanted to start a new one! I know Dan and Phil aren't the same age, so this is AU but I wanted to write this anyway. Thanks for your support on my last story and I hope you like this one too!**

It was the Monday morning following the 6 week holidays, which in England, was the highly anticipated summer break for students all over the country. As usual, there were a few new additions to the year, and as Phil sat down at his desk, the seat beside him empty as it always was. Nobody wanted to sit with the gay freak with emo hair. Hell – they didn't even want to talk to him at all if they could avoid it. All the other students were chatting to each other about how their break had been, and commenting on new hairstyles and piercings. Phil didn't feel awkward though. It had always been this way, and he preferred they said nothing at all as opposed to bullying him. They'd left him alone so far. True, it had only been half an hour since he'd arrived, but that had to be a record.  
As their teacher entered the room, she was followed by a tall boy with brown hair. Phil hadn't seen the boy before, and was intrigued. Trying not to stare, Phil took out his yearly planner and began to copy out his new timetable.  
Mrs Millen sat down at her desk at the front of the class and began to speak. Immediately, the class became silent. Everyone respected Mrs Millen. She was one of the cool teachers. Mainly because she respected her students and treat them as equals. And that was rare among teachers.  
"Good morning Year 11," she said, clearing her throat. "This is Daniel Howell. He's new to the area so he doesn't know anyone yet. Where's a free seat…" Mrs Millen looked around the room and spotted the empty chair next to Phil. Maybe it would do the boy good to have some company. Phil always kept to himself and all because of the shallow group of 'cool kids' who bullied him…perhaps he and Dan would become good friends… With this thought, she pointed next to Phil. Suddenly, some boys nearby began to snigger.  
"Something to share?" Mrs Millen asked them.  
"No Miss."  
Dan wandered over and sat next to Phil, who had moved his bag from that side of the floor. Dan nodded at him and said hello, though was disappointed to see that Phil neither acknowledged nor replied to his greeting.  
Mrs Millen told the class she was going to retrieve some paperwork from the teacher next door, and asked them to remain quiet whilst she did so. Leaving the room, she pulled the door to.  
"Wouldn't get too close…" a boy told Dan.  
Dan looked at him puzzled. "What do you mean?" He noticed that Phil had stopped what he was doing and looked at his feet as though ashamed.  
"To Phil…he'll start hitting on you…" The boy and his group erupted into laughter. Dan frowned and looked towards Phil, who by this point, was fiddling so hard with the cuff of his jumper, a hole was beginning to appear.  
"Why would he do that?" Dan asked, annoyance in his voice. But he wasn't annoyed at Phil…far from it.  
At that moment, Mrs Millen returned. The group of boys became silent, and as the class started to talk again as they filled out the forms, Dan couldn't shake those words from his head. And he couldn't get Phil to say anything either, no matter how hard he tried.  
He felt something hit the back of his head, and turning around, he realised the same boy had thrown a small ball of paper at him, trying to attract his attention. Dan vowed he wouldn't get angry. He wouldn't shout, he wouldn't swear and he wouldn't retaliate at all. He faced the front of the room again and continued to write. He kept knocking Phil's elbow since he was writing with his left hand, and he kept apologising, though he doubted Phil even cared. The boy looked too…distant.  
"I'm Daryl," the boy behind him pressed on. "These two are Tony and Jake. We can show you around if you want? You seem decent enough. We could even let you join our group."  
Dan continued to ignore him, but Daryl just didn't seem to take the hint.  
"You don't want to be talking to the likes of him."  
Dan was beginning to grow impatient. "Hey Phil…do you know what this question means?" he asked, pointing to "What do you hope to achieve by the end of this year?" Phil looked at Dan and shrugged.  
"You must know…you've filled yours in."  
Phil didn't even look up this time. The way Phil was acting made Dan feel sad. He'd been forced out of his old school by bullies, and he knew how it felt. Something told him that Phil wasn't a bad person. His instinct was that Phil was a good person who was damaged by bullies too.  
"Phil," Dan whispered. "I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable, and I'm sorry. I'm not like them. I'm not one of them."  
Phil's pen stopped writing. He turned to Dan and Dan swore he saw a slight smile. "Thanks."  
"Hey…Daniel…" It was Daryl again. "I wouldn't talk to him…he'll start flirting with you."  
Scrawling a note to Phil, he passed it along the desk, then stood up.  
"Daryl, I don't know what your problem is. Though it seems you're just a homophobic twat." Dan continued despite the stares and he could faintly hear Mrs Millen telling him to sit back down. "But I do know that you're a bully. Stop trying to get me to join your little group of bullies, because I'm not one of them. In fact, I'm actually gay, so I assume now you want to bully me too. Try all you want, but I give as good a punch as I get." With that, Dan sat back down and continued for the rest of the morning as though nothing had happened.  
At break, Phil remembered that Dan had slid him a note, and wondering if it had got mixed up in his diary, he opened it. There it was, in messy handwriting; _Want to get an ice-cream later? I'm free after school.  
_Phil smiled, then pinched himself. Did this mean Dan wanted to be his friend? 


	2. Homework Help

"Hey," Dan said, waving at Phil who was leaning against the school gates waiting for him. "Guess you got my note then?"  
Phil nodded, as Dan began to jog towards him. There was a group of around 10 students pointing at them, and as Dan caught up to Phil, he heard them shouting homophobic comments.  
"How do you deal with that?" Dan asked. Phil just shrugged. Dan figured that just as he had, Phil had grown used to it, and probably just zoned out to the noise. Ignoring the group, Phil began to walk alongside Dan, closely dodging a crumpled piece of homework that was being thrown at them.  
Picking up the pace, the pair tried to get away from the people shouting and laughing. Phil pulled Dan down a small side-street and led him through a couple of dark alleys until they finally reached the main street. There was no sign of any students here, which was probably because they all walked slowly whilst they gossiped to one another.  
"So are there any good places for ice-cream? I've only been here for a few days and I'm more of an internet kind of guy so I haven't actually been outside yet…" Dan asked, noticing that Phil was very quiet, and hadn't actually said more than a sentence to him all day. They were in all the same classes, and since Phil didn't actually have anyone sitting next to him in any of them, Dan had asked if it was okay to take the seat next to him. No matter how much he had tried to engage Phil in a conversation, the black haired boy said nothing. It wasn't that he was being rude, it was just that he was still trying to figure out whether Dan was being genuine or not.

"By the park," Phil said, his voice soft and gentle. He still didn't look up at Dan; his eyes remained focused on his shoes. Dan observed that he was wearing black converse trainers rather than school shoes. They looked quite new. The laces were still pristine white and the converse logo still had a shine to it.  
"Hey, I like your shoelaces," Dan tried. He didn't know if Phil would get the reference or not. If he didn't, it didn't matter because he would just think Dan was complimenting his shoelaces. If he did, Dan would get to know whether he had tumblr or not.  
Phil smiled a little. His smile was cute. He tongue kind of stuck out a little and Dan thought that was adorable.  
"Thanks, I stole them from the president." Phil answered. He didn't know if Dan was actually complimenting his shoelaces or whether he was asking for his tumblr, but in case he was, he answered.  
"Danisnotonfire," Dan told him. "Do you want me to write it down?"  
Phil looked up, gazing into Dan's chocolate brown eyes. He nodded, smiling. "AmazingPhil."  
Dan rummaged in his bag for a pen. "Give me your hand," he told the boy. "In a totally platonic way haha!"  
Phil reached out his hand, and Dan held it still whilst he wrote his username onto Phil's palm. Then he passed the pen, and held out his own hand as Phil scrawled his own URL. 

After a short walk, they arrived at the park. Phil pointed towards a shop, and began to walk towards it.  
"How about we go and get an ice-cream and take it to the park?" Dan asked. "I don't get the maths homework, but I noticed you're a whiz at maths. Would you mind explaining it to me?"  
"Okay," Phil answered shortly.  
Dan so desperately wanted to bring Phil out of his shell, and show him that he could trust him, because he didn't mean any harm. He didn't want to hurt him. All he knew, was that they both needed a friend if they were going to battle through this year with all of the bullying homophobic idiots.  
Dan spotted a gathering of students wearing the same black sweatshirts as them, and nudged Phil to alert him of their presence. Phil looked up, and when he saw them, his eyes sank.  
"Don't worry," Dan told him. "We're only going to be here for a second then we can go and find somewhere quieter so I can give this homework a go."

After buying two chocolate ice-creams, they went to sit on a bench close to the children's play area. There was a pond nearby, where a small boy was sailing a boat made of paper with his friend. Phil snuck a glance at Dan, and observed how his eyes were the same shade of brown as his ice-cream. He could go swimming in those eyes… Quickly averting his gaze, he internally scolded himself. Dan was being kind already by dealing with the others just to be friends with him. The least he could do was not show himself to be a freak and hit on him, just like Daryl had warned.  
Dan opened his maths book and pointed to the formula he was struggling with. He knew how to do it if he was honest with himself, but he just wanted to hear Phil's voice.  
At first, Phil was quiet as he began to whisper the explanation. But after 15 minutes, he became louder and more confident. Slowly, their conversation became less about the work, and more about their interests. As it turned out, Phil was very much an internet person too. They talked about music, and games, and agreed on the fact that sport, though relatively interesting to watch, was not something they particularly cared for. Dan joked about how he was extremely unfit, but as he stole more glances, Phil couldn't help but disagree. He didn't voice this opinion of course, but he sure as hell though it.

After a few hours, it began to get dark. Dan and Phil hadn't really been keeping on top of the time, and when Phil's phone buzzed, he suddenly jumped to his feet. "It's my Mum…" Phil mumbled. "I have to get back."  
It was then that Dan noticed Phil hadn't actually let his Mum know where he was, and she didn't seem to have realised he was missing. He didn't have to wait long for an explanation. He must have sensed Dan's curiosity before he had even said anything.  
"Mum works long hours. So does Dad. They probably didn't even know I was gone," he nervously laughed.  
"Mine's the same. They won't be in until later. It'll just be my brother in the house at the moment, and he's barely going to be concerned! Do you have any brothers or sisters?"  
The two boys stood up, and Phil told Dan that he had a brother who was a few years older than him but he was at uni so he only saw him in the holidays.

"See you tomorrow?" Phil said questioningly.  
"See you tomorrow," Dan smiled. He felt happy that he had made a friend on his first day. He hadn't had any best friends before now, but he and Phil seemed to have a lot in common, and when Phil had begun to talk more, he was actually very funny.  
"Message me on tumblr yeah?"  
"Sure," Phil replied, trying to sound cool. As soon as he was sure Dan was out of eyesight, he ran all the way home. It only took him about 7 minutes, and when he reached the front door, he fumbled for his keys, then set his bag down and ran upstairs to retrieve his laptop. Not wanting to sound clingy, he planned to wait an hour or so before messaging, but his ask box already had the little red one in the corner.  
"Hi!" It was Dan.


	3. Phil's Secret

Dan sprinted for the first few minutes after saying goodbye to Phil at the park, but quickly became tired and stopped. His parents wouldn't be in for another couple of hours, so he sat down under a nearby tree and pulled out his phone. It was already beginning to get dark, though it was still relatively warm. It had been a good summer…well, the weather had been good anyway.  
He opened the Tumblr app and sent Phil a message. After hitting the send button, he started to look through Phil's blog. It was mostly lions, and sketches of anime and gaming characters, but after browsing for a few minutes, he found a link to his YouTube channel. Clicking on it, he didn't expect to find any videos, and certainly not the 34 he found. That wasn't what shocked him the most though.

Right in the corner, alongside the button encouraging him to subscribe, Dan read the little number showing how many people were already subscribed; 60,000. He'd never seen Phil on YouTube before, but scrolling down the videos, it seemed that he had quite a few fans. Dan watched some of the videos, which were mainly vlogs or comedy sketches. Amongst these, there were other videos that made absolutely no sense. An example being a 30 second video entitled "snokoplasm". It seemed that the subscribers loved it, and Dan could see why. Phil was funny, entertaining, and seemed so down to earth. He could barely believe he was watching the same guy as he'd met at school. Not because he wasn't funny in real life or anything…but because the guy on these videos seemed comfortable talking in front of the camera. Dan settled down with a bar of Cadbury out of his bag and began to watch each video, starting right from the very first one.

Phil messaged back straight away. Dan must have gotten home pretty quick to have sent him something so soon. He felt hopeful that after spending the whole of high school alone, he might finally have a friend. He never usually gave his tumblr to people he knew, and he didn't mention it either. The least he wanted was for people to find his Tumblr and YouTube account. He had 60,000 subscribers to date, so it was quite surprising that nobody from school had found out yet, but Phil wanted to keep it that way for as long as he possibly could.

Typing 'Danisnotonfire' into the search bar, Phil felt nervous. Dan seemed like a nice enough person, and he was afraid that his account would show otherwise. He didn't want to have gotten his hopes up only to find that he had made friends with a racist twat or something. But scrolling down Dan's blog, he was reassured to find that it was mainly anime (mainly Deathnote) and funny posts. Occasionally there would be a text post made by Dan detailing his day, and as Phil delved deeper, he found a post that concerned him a little. It read:

_Today was shit. In every sense of the word. Some kid beat me up real bad. I've got a broken arm and a black eye. Apparently I'm not meant to hit him back! I didn't this time, but if he comes anywhere near me again, I'll give HIM a black eye and a broken arm._

Phil wasn't exactly shocked. Dan hadn't mentioned why he had moved school, but Phil just got the feeling that it was a subject to stay away from. He felt sad for Dan. He hadn't realised that the reason Dan was so relaxed about the bullies, was because he had dealt with it too, and could just block it out the way Phil did. A few hours passed, and Dan hadn't replied. Phil began to panic. What if he'd decided he didn't like him? What if he was laughing at his YouTube videos right now? Phil closed his laptop and went to make himself a drink.

Dan glanced at the clock on his phone. It read as 10.30pm. Surely that couldn't be right, he thought. But it was. Dan had been watching Phil's YouTube videos for well over a couple of hours and was now very late home. His parents should have been home by now, so Dan jumped up and ran all the way back, not stopping, though his lungs were on fire.

Pushing open the door, he tried to be as quiet as he could. Unfortunately, the door had a squeak in the hinges. Back at his old house, he knew every creak in every floorboard. He'd mastered returning late and not getting caught. But here, he knew nothing about the house. He hadn't even unpacked yet, unlike his brother.  
"DANIEL!" His Mum shouted. Dan sighed, hoping he wasn't in for a lecture. "Where have you been?!"  
"Just in the park. Phil was helping me with my Maths homework." Dan hoped that pulling the homework card would calm his Mum down, however, his Mum was more pleased to hear about him having made a friend.  
"Oh. Is he in your class?"  
"Yeah," Dan answered. "He's in all of my classes. He's better at Maths than me so he was just helping me out."  
"That was nice of him! How about you ask him round for tea one night?" Mrs Howell said to Dan, smiling.  
"Mum, that's not how it works. I barely know him yet!"  
"Well I put some pasta aside for you at tea but it'll be rubbery now, so I'll make you a toastie. Go and get ready for bed. And don't put your washing on your floor Dan. We have a washing basket for a reason."  
Dan climbed the stairs to his room, being careful not to trip on the many boxes and bags littering the floor.  
Through the wall, he could hear his brother Andrew playing on Final Fantasy. Banging on the wall, Dan told him to turn it down. Andrew replied with top notch sarcasm he'd learnt from his brother.

Remembering that he had messaged Phil earlier, he checked his tumblr, and sure enough, Phil had replied. _"Hey!"  
_'I checked your videos out," Dan wrote, "They are so COOL. That's why I haven't replied yet. Sorry."  
Pressing send, Dan reached for an old t-shirt and some tracksuit bottoms and changed into them, throwing his school uniform onto the floor, much to his Mum's annoyance.  
As she opened the door to his room to bring him his toastie, Mrs Howell sighed and rolled her eyes. She snatched the clothes from the ground and deposited them in the laundry basket as she walked past the bathroom.  
_'You don't have to pretend to like them." _Phil had written in reply. Dan figured he must be online to have replied that quickly.  
'I'm not kidding Phil, I thought they were great! How often do you upload?'  
_"I don't know…maybe about once a week? I like your blog btw."  
_'Thanks!'

Dan and Phil continued to talk for another couple of hours, until Phil messages became filled with spelling and grammar mistakes. It was then that he admitted he could barely keep his eyes open, and they said goodbye. After all, they did have to be up early for school in the morning.

As Dan lay in bed, he thought about the day that had just been. His stomach fluttered just thinking about Phil, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. Convinced that Phil didn't feel that way about him, he tried to wipe it from his mind.


	4. Finding His Voice

Memories of Monday drifted into Dan's dreams as he fell asleep. For once, he slept with a smile. Haunted by nightmares, Dan usually spent the night tossing and turning…thrashing against the wall and waking up to find even more bruises than those left by the bullies. But tonight was different. Dan slept peacefully, and not too far away, Phil did too.

Tuesday came around like any other day. Phil was woken by his alarm clock bleeping madly. He rolled onto his side and tried to prise his eyes open. Sunlight flooded into the room, and his nose was filled with the smell of bacon. Denise must be cooking, thought Phil. Denise was their maid/cook/housekeeper. His parents were never in; they ran a very successful business and spent most days at their offices. Denise had practically brought Phil up ever since he was young, and he loved her cooking. He pulled his blankets down and rested his feet on the floor, yawning. As he padded along to the main bathroom, he tied his dressing gown around him and brushed his fringe from his eyes. He could barely see a thing without his glasses, and along with the tiredness, this caused him to almost bump into several doorframes.

"Phil!" Denise called from downstairs, hearing his footsteps shuffling along.  
"Won't be long!" Phil shouted back. He quickly brushed his teeth, as he preferred to do this before breakfast, then brushed his hair smooth, fixing it into place with hairspray.  
Running down the stairs, Phil nearly fell over the cat. He laughed to himself as he thought about how clumsy he was. When he had been a toddler, he had a house rabbit called Muffin and he had always distinctly remembered the time she had gone missing, only to turn up when Phil was playing on his trike in the garden. He had swerved, only to land in a thorn bush, much to his mother's despair.

"Morning!" Smiled Denise. She always wore a smile. Phil always remembered the time he had fallen out of a tree and broken his wrist 10 years earlier. She hadn't screamed like his mother, and she hadn't shouted like his Dad. She had scooped him up into her arms and drove him to the hospital where they ate chocolate from vending machines and played cars on the playmat in the waiting room.  
"Hi," Phil yawned. "Are Mum and Dad at work?"  
Denise nodded. "It's just us. I made bacon this morning. How many sandwiches do you want? Two? Three? You're a growing boy…I'll give you three, but don't tell your mother!"  
Phil laughed, though knew what they were both thinking; he didn't see his mother often enough to say very much to her at all.

On the other side of town, Dan was only just beginning to stir from his sleep.  
"DAN!" a voice called from the hallway. "DAN GET UP, YOU LAZY ARSE!"  
"ANDREW, LESS OF THE LANGUAGE!" shouted Mr Howell.  
"SORRY DAD!"  
Andrew shuffled along to Dan's room and began to throw things at his brother. "Get up! It's 8am…"  
"WHAT?!" Dan shouted, rolling out of bed and landing on the floor with a thud.  
"Andrew, stop winding your brother up," Mrs Howell scolded as she walked into the room with a pile of newly washed clothes. "Here Dan, I had to wash your uniform from yesterday because I haven't gotten round to buying more sweatshirts yet."  
"Thanks," Dan mumbled, standing up and racing his brother to the bathroom. He got there first, and shut the door, sliding the lock in place. Glancing at the clock on the bathroom wall, Dan sighed. It was only 7am.

"Hey Phil!" Dan shouted. He broke into a run, trying to catch up with Phil, who was slightly ahead of him. Dan had recognized him by his black backpack with white skulls. It seemed they walked the same way to school, though Dan had the GPS up on his phone because he still didn't really know his way around.  
Phil stopped and turned around, waiting for Dan to catch up with him.  
"Hey," Dan gasped, panting as he tried to regain his breath. "I'm really no good at this running stuff."  
Phil smiled. "Me neither."  
Together, they walked the rest of the way to school, talking about the latest Muse album. Dan agreed with Phil, that although it was exceptional, it wasn't as good as the last. He noticed that as they drew closer to school, and as more and more students began to appear, Phil became quieter; his answers became shorter and mainly consisted of just one word.

Dan didn't know how, but he was going to bring out the confidence in Phil. He saw how comfortable he was in front of his 60,000 viewers and he just _knew _that if he kept going, kept proving to Phil that he wasn't going to make fun of him, it was very possible that Phil would gain more confidence and find his voice.

That Lunchtime, Dan followed Phil down to the canteen. He felt a bit awkward but he had nobody else to sit with, and he kind of hoped that Phil was his friend now.  
"Can I-"  
"You can sit with me if you have to," Phil smirked.  
Dan felt the butterflies in his stomach go crazy. _Phil had made a sarcastic comment._ Dan smiled and pretended to sigh. "Phil, your presence is dazzling, I cannot help but be drawn to you like a moth to a lantern…"  
Phil laughed at that. Not just a little chuckle, but a true laugh.

Unfortunately, at that moment, a group of year 10's were passing, and they never failed to disappoint.  
"They're the freaks," one of them sniggered as he pointed at them.  
Dan grabbed Phil's elbow, guiding him away from them. Although he tried really hard not to show it, Phil just shut down whenever they threw a comment at him. His mind stopped ticking and his tongue turned to stone. He took it all in; he heard everything they said, and he listened to it. His confidence and self-worth was shot to pieces each time they opened their mouths.  
"That's right! You protect your boyfriend from the mean boys!"  
Dan fought hard with the urge not to turn around and punch them. He wanted them to feel all the pain that Phil felt internally when they said something. Phil said it didn't bother him but Dan knew better.

Phil pointed to the field.  
"Yeah," Dan agreed, "How about we eat over there in the corner where that tree is? It'll be quite shaded and it looks deserted."  
Once they had sat down, Phil began to talk again as though nothing had happened.  
"Where do you usually sit?" Dan asked, as he began to unwrap a sandwich that his Mum had made for him that morning.  
"Here."  
"And they don't bother you here?"  
"Not really. They play football, and I just read. Sometimes I sneak out through the hole in the fence back there. I don't think they know about it, and nobody ever realises I'm gone." Phil told Dan with a grin.  
"Maybe you could show me some time…"

Phil adjusted his fringe whilst staring into the blank screen of his phone. Dan couldn't stop the thoughts of adoration he had for his classmate. His hair was AMAZING. It was the kind of hair that Dan had been going for when he went to the hairdressers a few weeks ago, but if he wanted anything that didn't resemble hobbit hair, he had to straighten it for a good half an hour. And in the mornings, he preferred to have extra sleep as opposed to getting up earlier to straighten his hair. Plus, Andrew ripped him to shreds over it. His Dad just sighed and told him real men didn't use straighteners, but he didn't mean it; he was only teasing. His Mum said he looked handsome; that the girls would be fighting over him, and that was even more embarrassing than going to school with curls. Partly because she didn't know he wasn't interested in girls so much, but also because the only time anyone had spoken to him was to make fun of him.

"Is your hair naturally that wavy?" Phil asked Dan.  
"Uh-huh, although I wish it was naturally straight like yours."  
"Are you kidding me? My hair looks permanently greasy because it just flops over my head. I have to put tonnes of hairspray on it to make it look half okay!"  
Dan laughed. "No way, your hair is awesome!"  
"Well I wish we could like, have a hair transplant or something, because I prefer yours," Phil joked.  
"Are you doing anything after school?"  
"No," Phil answered, his heart flipping over, praying that Dan was going to be on tumblr.  
"Fancy hanging out?" Dan asked.  
"That'd be- um, that'd be okay," Phil told him, averting his eyes and trying to play it cool. "I mean, I'm not doing anything else…"

*

Later that day, Dan and Phil walked down to the main street again. They weren't going to the park this time though. Phil wanted to show Dan the music store, which was a couple of streets down from the town centre. Phil talked non-stop the whole way there, and Dan couldn't help but smile to himself, because 24 hours ago, Phil had barely uttered a sentence, and now he couldn't shut him up! But he didn't mind. He loved Phil's little nervous giggle, and the way his tongue poked out of his mouth as he laughed.

A few hours later, Phil told Dan that his parents would be home earlier tonight, and he had to get home before them because they had warned him not to go out tonight unless he wanted to be grounded, so he had to sneak in before they got there.  
"So is it usually just you at home?" Dan questioned Phil.  
"No…Denise is always there. She's the housekeeper." Phil replied nervously. He didn't know how Dan would react to this information. Usually, people would accuse him of bragging or call him a 'posh shit' or something similar. But not Dan. Dan didn't seem to care at all. In fact, he didn't even mention it but began to tell Phil about how annoying Andrew was when they were both alone. Apparently, he loved to wind Dan up and his favourite trick was turning the internet modem off randomly.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then," Dan said.  
"Message me on tumblr?" Phil answered.  
"Of course."  
Dan turned to walk away, as did Phil, but knowing it was now or never, he took a deep breath and turned around to shout after his friend.  
"Dan?!"  
Dan swung around to look at Phil. Phil's heart was beating faster than a bass track in a nightclub.  
"Doyouwannacometomyhousetomorrow?" Phil asked in one terrified breath.  
Dan smiled knowingly. "Yeah, sure."


	5. I won't let you fall

**I am so sorry for the sad chapter, but **_**believe me**_**, you will be rewarded in the next chapter for persevering with it! Trigger warning for this chapter though – there will be brief, non-detailed mentioning of self-harm. But believe me, this isn't going to be a sad story. It's just the beginning, and hopefully you'll see as the story progresses, the shift from the dark times to the best times of their lives.**

Wednesday was not a good day. Dan knew this from the moment he had woken up. As soon as he opened his eyes, he just _knew. _Something was going to happen; something to balance out the happiness he had felt the night before, messaging Phil on tumblr.He had been speaking to Phil for hours, and he had to admit, there was a tiny bit of flirting going on. Dan didn't know if Phil liked him in that way, and he hated to admit it even to himself, but he was falling for that boy.  
He had fallen asleep with a grin spread across his face, though when he sank deeper into the darkness of his dreams, they became filled with hate and painful memories. Dan was used to this; it wasn't something that he'd never dealt with before. Hell, it wasn't even the worst he'd dealt with, but it had ruined such a wonderful night. And as always seemed to happen in his life, whenever something good happened to him, something equally as bad, or worse, would happen as though to balance it out…almost as if he was being punished for feeling positive emotions.

As he walked to school, he couldn't see Phil anywhere. They had agreed to meet by the war statue between their houses, but no matter how hard Dan looked, Phil was definitely not there. After waiting for 10 minutes, Dan knew he would have to carry on to school otherwise he would be late, and the last thing he wanted in his first week at school was a detention.  
Walking as fast as he could (without actually doing any challenging physical exercise), Dan rushed to the gates, where he finally spotted Phil. The thing was, Phil wasn't alone. Dan knew Phil didn't have any other friends, so immediately a sick feeling rose in his stomach. Who was with him? What were they saying to him?

Dan squinted and tried to make out the face, but they were looking at Phil so he could only see the back of their head. As the person turned around, Dan immediately recognised the scowling face of Daryl. He began to sprint towards them, and as he drew closer, he could hear Daryl's cold voice.  
"I swear to God, if EVER find out you did this, I will burn your fucking house down. _With you and your family in it," _Daryl hissed. Phil backed away but Daryl grabbed his arm. _"I mean it, you faggot."  
_"OI!" Dan shouted, running over and pushing Daryl from Phil.  
"Oh look!" Daryl laughed, "It's your boyfriend come to defend you!"  
Dan felt anger rising inside him. Though Phil's face was expressionless, Dan saw the sadness in his eyes. He'd been at this school for only two days, and he was fed up of these twats who thought they were clever because they bullied people. Taking a deep breath, Dan tried to remain calm.  
"Leave. Phil. ALONE," he half whispered, half shouted threateningly. "I mean it."  
Daryl began to snigger, then muttered to himself.  
"What was that?" Dan asked, standing in front of Phil to shield him from further insults and violence. Not because Phil was incapable of defending himself, but because he just didn't want him involved.  
"You're just scared I'm gonna steal your man, aren't you?" Daryl said.  
Dan had had enough. Stepping towards him, Dan lunged for the boy, grabbing his shirt collar and keeping it firmly clasped in his fist.  
"Dan…no…" Phil whispered from behind. Dan didn't want to get into any trouble, and with that in mind, he let go, letting Daryl fall to the floor. Dan dropped Daryl. He went to walk with Phil towards the main entrance. But Daryl wasn't done. He leapt up and was running towards Dan, fist raised, ready to hit Dan in full force for humiliating him. But Dan was no stranger to this sort of thing. He swiftly turned and punched Daryl right in the nose, before the boy had any chance to retaliate. There was blood everywhere, and Dan stopped for a moment, shocked at his own strength. Looking from Daryl to Phil, Dan didn't know what to do. Phil pulled the shell-shocked Dan towards the school.

Needless to say, Dan spent his evening in detention.

When he got out, however, at 5pm, Phil was waiting. Dan smiled as he watched the black haired boy reading on a picnic bench by the field. He looked so peaceful and content.  
"Phil!" Dan shouted, trying to attract his attention.  
Phil looked up and grinned. "Thought you were going to be there all night!"  
Dan laughed and ran over. "Thanks for waiting."  
"No problem. Thanks for sticking up for me," Phil mumbled, gazing intently at his socks.  
"Where the hell are your shoes?!" Dan asked, confused. "I mean…jazzy socks. I appreciate intense colours going on, but where did your shoes go?!"  
"They were uncomfortable," Phil answered, "They're over there."  
Phil went to put his shoes back on, and as he was tying the laces, he asked Dan if he was still up for coming back to his house for a while.  
"I have the new portal game," Phil told him.  
"Sure!"

"Hi! You must be Dan!" Denise smiled at the tall boy who had just stepped into the kitchen behind Phil.  
"Yeah," Dan answered, suddenly becoming socially awkward, as he always did around strangers.  
"I've heard a lot about you-,"  
"This is Denise…" Phil interrupted, slightly embarrassed, and very concerned about what Denise was about to say next. Denise knew Phil was gay. His parents didn't know, but he trusted Denise and told her years earlier. From then on, Phil had been able to openly comment about how hot Channing Tatum was, and how Harry Styles just wasn't working those shoes in Denise's gossip magazines. They had both agreed that Benedict Cumberbatch was not to be contended with, and Phil felt completely comfortable talking about things like that with her. So when he had come home and told Denise that he liked a guy, Denise was interrogating him. Phil had assured her that they were just friends, but Denise just knew from the look on his face that he wished it was something more. Phil was sure that Denise would never slip up and tell something to Dan that Phil would prefer him not to know, but he wasn't taking any chances.

"Sorry for not introducing myself; I'm the housekeeper at the Lester residence," she told Dan. "I cook, clean, and tidy up after Phil because I swear that boy makes more mess than a bull in a china shop."  
"Denise, can we order a pizza in tonight?" Phil asked. Denise was terrible at saying no to Phil. He had her wrapped around his little finger – always had. Since his parents were never home, Denise felt a little bit sad for the boy, and ever since he was young, she had spoiled him rotten. His parents left money aside each week for anything Phil might need, and up until the year before, Denise had been in control of it. Now, Phil managed his own money, and much to Denise's dislike, he spent most of it on music, takeaways and video games. She couldn't complain though, he stayed stick thin, and always switched his gaming consoles off before 11pm (or so she thought).

"Of course, but don't go in the front room as I'm busy cleaning the carpet, so it's wet and I don't want you trailing soap suds all over the place. Your mother is having a dinner party at the weekend. And take your shoes off for goodness sake."

Dan followed Phil up a big, wooden staircase, and then another, until they reached Phil's bedroom. As soon as Dan walked in, he immediately recognised it as the place from Phil's videos where he filmed everything. Dan spotted the video camera on the desk and picked it up, examining the make and model. "Pretty cool room!" he said.  
"Yeah…" Phil answered embarrassed. "Just dump your bag anywhere. You're going to be thrashed at portal, then Halo!"  
Dan laughed. "No way!"

The two boys sat playing on the xbox for almost 2 hours, until Denise called Phil downstairs to pay the delivery man. True to his word, Phil had won by a mile. Dan had pretended to be mad, and told him that he had let him win, but the truth was, Dan hadn't played xbox for a long time. He and Andrew shared the console but it was kept in Andrew's room. Dan didn't mind though; he was more of an internet person.

Phil paid for the food and headed back upstairs to where Dan was waiting for him. As he walked in, he caught Dan examining his fringe in the mirror and laughed. They continued to play Halo whilst eating the pizza, but on reflection, this had been a bad idea, as the controllers were now slippery with grease.  
"I'm just going to wash my hands," Phil told Dan, nodding towards the door. "I won't be a minute."

"Hurry up Phil!" Dan shouted.  
Suddenly, Phil jumped out from behind the doorframe causing Dan to choke in fright. One of the only scares he had ever managed to give Dan.  
"I didn't mean that quick!" Dan laughed.  
Phil laughed and sat down in front of the xbox, and loaded up another game.  
"Phil?"  
"Uh-huh?" he answered, clicking away at the controlling trying to choose the level.  
"What's the scars on your arms?"  
Phil's eyes widened in horror. He'd forgotten to roll his sleeves back down after washing his hands.

"Umm…uh I don't know…probably the cat," Phil stammered, panicking, pulling at his sleeves, lowering them right the way down over his arms and hands.  
"Phil, I know that's not the cat."  
Dan shuffled closer to his friend and reached for his arm. Looking at Phil, almost as if to ask for permission, Dan slid the sleeve up to his elbow. Phil's heart was pounding, not just out of fear, but also because of those eyes. Damn, those eyes.

Dan ran his finger along a jagged line, a breath escaping him, leaving his lungs feeling empty and clamouring for oxygen. At that moment, it felt like his heart had been mashed into tiny pieces.  
"Phil…"  
Looking at Dan, Phil felt a wave of relief. Not because he had longed for his secret to be discovered, but because Dan's reaction left him feeling relieved to have halved his pain by sharing it with someone so understanding; someone who knew what it was like to feel that way.

"I'm sorry," Phil muttered.  
"You don't need to be sorry," Dan told him. "I'm sorry I've not been here before now. But you can ring me whenever you feel like you want to do this, and I'll come round. I'll help you."  
Dan felt a surge of love for the boy sitting before him, mixed with pain that Phil had been feeling so hopeless and he hadn't be there for him. Dan so desperately wanted to help. Phil was a strong person, Dan knew that there was a fierce and brave person hiding in the shy, anxious shell.

**Again, I'm sorry! I hope that anyone suffering with anything mentioned in this chapter can reach out for help because you deserve it! In no way am I implying that the real versions of these characters suffer with self-harm.**

**I forgot I hadn't uploaded this! You nearly got chapter 6 before chapter 5! **


	6. Drunk Confessions

Weeks passed, and Dan and Phil spent more time together than apart. Phil was becoming even more confident in himself and had started to open up more at school. Daryl hadn't bothered the two boys as much as he previously had, probably thanks to Dan punching him. Phil was still better than Dan at Halo, despite him having practised at home with Andrew, much to Dan's frustration. Still messaging each other every night on tumblr, Dan and Phil learnt more and more about each other; their lives, their hobbies, their interests and their hopes for the future. Not once did they mention how they felt about one another. That changed however, when Dan and Phil discovered the world of nightclubs.

One night, Phil dragged Dan to a pop-up nightclub. Phil often walked around at night when he couldn't sleep, and he'd once stumbled across "ColourCode", a small but lively nightclub that was held in an old warehouse on the edge of town every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday night. He hadn't stayed, but now that he had a friend to take with him, he was eager to go and see what it was like. After acquiring fake IDs, Dan and Phil went each weekend (and sometimes through the week, though this was a pretty bad idea).

On one night in particular, Dan appeared to have drank more than usual, because as closing time drew nearer, his ability to stand on his own two legs became non-existent. Phil, who was slightly tipsy himself, held Dan up and wrapped Dan's arm around his shoulder for support. He knew that if he took him back to his parents' house, they would soon find out that Dan had been drinking and probably wouldn't be happy. Unlike other nights, Dan had quite obviously had about 10 drinks too many, though Phil didn't know what of because he hadn't actually seen him drink them. Pulling him away from the club, Phil unlocked Dan's phone and sent a text to Dan's parents pretending to be Dan:

_Staying at Phil's tonight. Will be back tomorrow._

Phil clicked send and dropped the phone back into Dan's pocket. Signalling a taxi, Phil encouraged Dan to step into the car.  
"I don't take drunks, sorry lad," the taxi driver called from the front seat. Knowing that this was the only feasible way of getting back to his house, Phil tried to bargain with him.  
"Look, he'll be no bother. He's about as much trouble as a pink butterfly stuck to a marshmallow."  
"You're pissed an'all mate," the driver laughed.  
Phil sighed. "I'll tip you a hundred. I need to get home."  
"A hundred?"  
"Pounds."  
This seemed to entice the taxi driver, and Phil climbed in after Dan. Telling the taxi driver his address, Phil pulled out his wallet. Thank goodness he had been to the bank earlier that day.  
As they pulled up, Phil thanked the driver and gave him the money he had promised. He then proceeded to pull Dan from the cab and help him into the house. Denise would be in bed at this time of night and if he snuck quietly, she wouldn't hear him get back. Crossing his fingers, he prayed Dan would also remain silent. No such luck.

The stairs proved to be quite a challenge for Dan. He stumbled on each step, and as they neared the top, he fell forward and before Phil had a chance to catch him, he fell face-first onto the carpet. Phil heard footsteps. He silently swore to himself, and then hauled Dan the extra few steps towards his bedroom.  
"Phil?" Denise shouted. Way to go Dan.  
"Sorry for waking you!" Phil replied, panting at having just pulled Dan up the stairs.  
"Deneeeez!" Dan called.  
At that moment, Phil longed for the floor to open beneath him and swallow him up. And just when it couldn't get any worse…"We got fake IDEEES!"  
Bursting into the room, Denise sighed. "Really, Phil?"  
"Sorry," Phil mumbled.  
"Go downstairs and get a glass of water. You'll probably need to bring some painkillers because he is going to have one hell of a headache tomorrow."

Later on, Phil fished a t-shirt and some sweatpants from his draw and showed them to Dan. Pulling the t-shirt over Dan's head, he told him to lay down and try to rest. Phil tucked the covers over Dan and sighed. He wished he could tell him how he felt about him.  
Slipping into his pyjamas, he crawled under a duvet on the floor. Just as he had closed his eyes and was beginning to slip away into a deep sleep, he heard Dan's voice.

"Phil?" Dan hissed into the dark room.  
"Yeah Dan?"  
"I think I'm falling in love."  
Phil's heart did the little flippy over thing that happened when he became lost for words and overcome with surprise. He shoved thoughts of meaning him to the back of his mind and prepared to have his heart crushed.  
"Oh yeah? Who with?" Phil asked, trying his best to sound interested and supportive. Dan didn't reply at first. Phil started to think he had maybe dreamt the last few moments. But then, he heard Dan take a slow intake of breath and sit himself up slightly.  
"You."

Dan didn't mean it, he was probably just a romantic drunk.  
"You need to sleep off that alcohol, Dan. Close your eyes."  
"I mean it though."  
"You don't. Just go to sleep."  
"I do."  
"I'm not getting into an argument at this time of night. Go to sleep."  
"You can sleep up here if you want."  
"Dan, you're drunk." Phil was beginning to grow impatient. He liked Dan…he _like _liked him, and here Dan was, making jokes.  
"You could sleep at the other end. We could top and tail. It'd be comfier for you."  
"I'm fine."  
"I've not had that much to drink."  
"You're drunk."  
"Goddammit Phil! I'm not and I just wanted to tell you because life's too short to live with regrets."  
Phil rolled over, tears streaming down his face. He did love Dan. He had fallen completely head over heels for the boy. But he knew Dan was too drunk, and when he woke up in the morning, he'd probably not remember any of it. 


	7. Sober Confessions

**I hope this is a more cheerful chapter than the last. It's quite fluffy towards the end, and trust me, there's a hell of a lot more of that to come. Send me suggestions/prompts if you want to see anything in particular! :) I'm not planning on ending this fic any time soon so just let me know!**

"Morning," Dan mumbled as he shuffled downstairs. His head was thumping, his eyes were bloodshot, and his throat felt croaky.  
"Hello sunflower! You're looking bright eyed!" Denise laughed. "You and Phil gave me a fright last night…what were you thinking storming in at that time?!"  
"Sorry."  
Denise laid out a full English breakfast in front of him, and told him she'd be back with some painkillers before leaving the room. Dan tried to eat it, he really did. The food was cooked to perfection, and every morsel was a little burst of deliciousness. But he just felt too nauseous. Looking around the room, he realised that Phil wasn't there. He hadn't been there when he'd woken up through the night either, but Dan assumed he had gone to the toilet, and that he would be back soon. Straight after, he had fallen back asleep and had known nothing more until morning.

Rushing back into the kitchen, Denise began to make a cup of tea. "How many sugars?"  
"Two," Dan replied gratefully. "I could definitely do with a cup of tea…my head's banging. Where's Phil?"  
Denise looked at him curiously. "He's out in the garden. Said he needed some fresh air. Did he not tell you? He was there when I got up this morning, poor thing was shivering…still in his pyjamas, but he won't come in."  
Dan nodded in acknowledgement, but soon stopped when every inch of his skull ached at the movement. "Did he say anything else?"  
"No?" Denise answered curiously. "I can just see him behind those trees. Would you run along and see if he's okay?" She was pointing towards a row of hedges near a small pond right at the bottom of the garden. Dan noted that there was a lot of gravel between here and there, and he had no shoes.

Dan stood up and thanked Denise for the breakfast, though half of it remained untouched. Still in one of Phil's t-shirts and sweatpants, Dan made his way bare-footed to the bottom of the garden. The gravel dug into his feet and sent a shiver down his spine.  
"Phil!" Dan called out. Dan swore Phil had heard him, but he didn't answer. In fact, he didn't even turn around or acknowledge his presence at all.  
"Hey…Phil," Dan said as he caught up to his friend. "What's up?"  
At first, Phil said nothing; just continued staring into the grass, absent-mindedly pulling chunks out as he sat cross-legged on the floor.  
"Dan," Phil sighed, "…we need to talk."  
Dan's heart began to beat faster and faster. This didn't sound good at all. What was Phil going to say? Dan could barely stand the silence, and was fast to break it.  
"About what?"  
Phil motioned next to him, and Dan sat down beside him on the grass. Dan noticed that Phil had been crying, and his long t-shirt was stained with little drops of blood that had soaked through from his arm. His heart sank.  
"Phil…" breathed Dan. "What's wrong?"  
Phil shuffled in his seat, and taking a deep breath, he tried to think about how he would put into words what he needed to say.

"Dan, you said some things last night and you won't remember because you were so drunk but-,"  
"Phil,"  
"-I think that I need to tell you because-,"  
"Phil, stop."  
Phil turned to face Dan, and broke off mid-sentence. "Yeah?"  
Dan's cheeks blushed. "I wasn't drunk…"  
Phil silently tried to comprehend his words. Confused, he tried to take in what Dan was telling him.

"Dan, you were. You couldn't even walk up the stairs."  
"I wasn't drunk," Dan repeated. "I remember everything. I remember getting into the taxi, and you paying the guy a tip to take us home, and I remember telling Denise we had fake IDs and I remember…our conversation …"  
"What?"  
"I wasn't drunk Phil. I hadn't even had one glass. I pretended. So that…" Dan began to mumble and adjust his hair. "…so I could take it back if things went wrong. It was a stupid thing to do. I'm sorry."  
"But you said…when we were going to sleep…you said…" Phil's eyes became wider and wider as he began to comprehend what Dan was telling him. "You said you loved me."  
"I know."  
"Why did you say that if you weren't drunk?"

Dan was quiet. He didn't know how Phil was going to react. He had no idea how he was going to put it into an understandable statement, or how he would continue the conversation if Phil laughed in his face and shot him down in flames. He didn't have a clue.  
"I said it because I mean it," Dan mumbled, suddenly feeling awkward. Of course Phil wasn't going to think the same about him…Phil probably thought Dan was shallow minded for assuming just because he was gay that he could hit on him.  
"You did?" Phil whispered.  
"I should probably go," Dan said, standing up and beginning to walk back to the house. "Thanks for letting me stay over."  
"No, Dan, wait!" Phil shouted. Dan turned and walked back towards Phil, staring into those beautiful blue eyes.  
"I think I'm falling for you too," Phil whispered.  
They stared at each other for a few seconds, before Phil broke the gaze.  
"You what?"  
"This isn't some kind of joke is it?" Phil asked, suddenly panicked.  
Dan said nothing, but stepped toward Phil, pulling him into a hug. Phil returned the embrace, holding tightly around Dan's slim waist. They stood there for several moments, completely unaware that Denise had seen them. She had immediately moved away from the kitchen window; she wasn't the prying type…and she'd known it all along anyway; long before they had even known themselves.

Pulling away, Dan reached towards Phil's face and gently brushed his tears away. "Phil…" he began slowly. "Does this mean…are we…will you be my boyfriend?" Dan felt like a small child asking his crush in the playground. But this was for real. This was meaningful. The boy in front of him was the boy he wanted to spend the rest of his days with.  
Phil nodded, gazing into Dan's dark brown, chocolate eyes. Dan stared back, a small smile curling at the edges of his mouth. Stroking his hand down Phil's cheek, towards his chin, Dan tilted Phil's face upwards and leant forward. Gently kissing his lips, Dan felt as though fireworks were exploding inside of him. Those damn butterflies were going crazy, but Dan didn't mind. He loved it.

Phil returned the kiss, gently at first, then as their mouths parted, Phil slipped his arms around Dan's neck and gazed into his eyes, their noses pressed up together. Phil's face was streaked with tears, but suddenly, he felt whole again. After several short pecks, their kisses became more passionate. Dan slid his tongue along Phil's lips, seeking his permission. Phil opened his mouth, and immediately his senses were on fire. This boy, this handsome, funny, caring, beautiful boy was his. Phil could barely believe that within 24 hours, they had gone from friends to something more. He had dreamed of situations like this. He had invented stories in his mind as he lay in bed each night, about how he and Dan would someday be together, but he'd never once imagined it could actually come true.

*

Dan padded back to the kitchen, squirming as the sharp stones dug into his feet. Phil walked slightly behind him, his face aching from smiling so much. He didn't feel comfortable with Denise finding out just yet, so with this in mind, he was sure to keep a small distance between him and Dan. He was even less eager to explain to his parents that he was gay. It didn't take a genius to work out how _they _would react.

When they reached the kitchen, Denise was bustling around preparing lunch. Her hair was tucked behind her ears and she wore the farmyard oven gloves that she'd always owned, ever since Phil had been young.  
"Get upstairs and take a warm bath Phil, you must be freezing and I'm not having you catch a cold…imagine your mother's reaction!" Denise fussed, reaching to put her arm around his shoulders.  
"He's fine, just needed some fresh air," Dan told her. "But I'll make sure he gets warmed up."  
Dan caught Phil's eyes and the two boys shared a knowing smile. Denise had her back turned, but even she had interpreted that the way that Dan had meant it, though she knew that Phil would tell her all about it in his own time. She would always be supportive of the black haired boy that she'd brought up…he was practically her son, and she'd always love him no matter what, but she had always worried what his parents would say when they found out. Phil had shared no plans of telling them, and Denise was sure that Phil shared her worry.

As he and Dan reached the top of the stairs, Dan grabbed Phil's hand and pulled him into the bedroom. Tackling him onto the bed playfully, he reached up and ran his fingers along Phil's arm. "May I?" Dan awaited Phil's consent before lifting himself into a sitting position and rolling Phil's sleeve up to his elbow.  
"Phil…we need to get these cleaned up, okay my love?" Dan whispered. "We're going to need a first aid kit…you got one?"  
Phil passed him a small green bag with a white cross that was tucked down the side of his bed. He remained in a lying down position, only raising him arm slightly to allow Dan to sort out his arm.  
Dan pulled out a bandage and an alcohol wipe. Tearing across the dotted line, Dan's eyes began to fill with tears. Dan feared that Phil had done this to himself because of him; because Phil had thought Dan didn't love him. He was scared that whilst he had been trying to mend him, he had actually been causing more cracks.  
"It wasn't you," Phil said as though reading Dan's thoughts.  
"I should have been there."  
"Don't blame yourself. Please."  
Dan slowly wiped across the wounds, careful only to wipe in the direction of the cuts so that it wouldn't cause Phil too much pain. Then, he gently covered them with a melonin dressing pad. "Hold this," he said to Phil, gesturing to the small square of dressing that wasn't yet fixed in place.  
He then proceeded to unwrap the bandage, and wrap it around Phil's skinny arm, before pulling down his sleeve. Phil rolled onto his side, his head in Dan's lap, his loving gaze fixed on Dan's beautiful chocolate eyes.

"Denise is right, you're going to have a bath to warm up. I'll have one after you." Dan announced. Phil nodded.  
"We've got a pretty big bathroom on the second floor. If you sit facing the door, you can stay in there and keep me company maybe?"  
Dan laughed. "Sure."  
Phil nuzzled into Dan's neck. He knew Dan hated his neck being touched, and for the first time, Dan didn't flinch. Instead, he turned to face Phil and kissed his forehead. Phil reached down and found Dan's hand resting on the bedcovers. He stroked his thumb down Dan's fingers and tightly clasped his palm around Dan's. Their kisses became fiercer, and as Phil gasped for air, he began to mumble.  
"Dan…"  
Dan pulled his head away slightly and murmured, "Uh huh?"  
"Stay."  
Dan brushed his nose against Phil's neck, taking in his scent, engraving each sense into his mind to treasure it forever and ever.  
"Always." 


	8. Philisnotnfire

**Hey Guys! This chapter isn't so great but I didn't want to start over because I thought you might want to read it anyway. I was thinking more school chapters? I'm not sure. Let me know what you think.**

"Dan?" Phil asked, glancing down at his boyfriend, who was lying across his lap. He had his phone in his hand and appeared to be reblogging gifs of whales on Tumblr.  
"Hmm?"  
Dan was snuggled into Phil under the duvet watching YouTube videos. They had been in this position for over 4 hours, and Dan couldn't recall a time that he'd felt more comfortable and safe in such close proximity to another human.  
"Would you like to be in my next video?" Phil smirked.  
Dan looked up to see Phil's beautiful blue eyes staring at him, a little smirk curled at the edges of his lips. "HELL YES," he replied, his mouth grinning from ear to ear.

_Earlier that day:_

_Dan was watching TV in the lounge when his phone lit up and began to squawk like a parrot. He made a mental note to change that damn ringtone. A friend at his old school had set it as a joke and he hadn't gotten around to changing it, but it caused him to jump in fright every time he heard it.  
He glanced down at his phone and saw Phil's name flashing on the screen. Dan slid his thumb across the screen and clicked his boyfriend onto loudspeaker. This wasn't because he couldn't be bothered to talk to him or anything, it was just a habit he had; something he'd always done for as long as he had owned a mobile phone._

_"Hello?"  
"Dan…" Phil's voice shook with tears, and as soon as Dan realised, he took Phil off loudspeaker and wandered to his room where he would have more privacy and was less likely to be overheard by his mother's outstanding hearing._

_"Philly, what's wrong?"  
"Dan I don't mean to call you…well I do because I pressed the call button but I'm sorry, it's just that I need you…I need you Dan." Phil spluttered. "I can't handle this."  
Dan swapped the phone into the other hand and began to shove his wallet and phone charger into his bag, swinging it over his shoulder. Grabbing his house keys, Dan started to jog down the stairs, three at a time. Being 6ft and only being a teenager really did have its perks sometimes.  
"Phil, I need you to calm down okay? I'm on my way. I'll only be 10 minutes," Dan panted as he broke into a run.  
"I'm sorry. You don't need to come round…" Phil sniffed, and Dan's heart leapt. He wanted to wrap his arms around Phil and cuddle him close. Squeeze all of the worries out of him, so tightly that all of his broken pieces stuck back together._

_"Don't be silly. I'm on my way, and you can't stop me okay? Where's Denise? Go sit with her until I get there…scroll through tumblr and check the amazingphil tag…reply to a few of your fans while you wait for me…I'm going to hang up because I'm shit at multi-tasking but promise me you'll do that? For me?"  
The line was silent for a few moments, until Phil's hushed voice returned. "I promise."  
"10 minutes, I swear."_  
_  
As soon as he had walked through the door, he had thrown his bag to the floor and shouted for Phil. A muffled voice had replied from the lounge.  
As Dan began to walk through the hall, Denise whispered his name and motioned for him to follow her into the kitchen.  
"He told me about you two," Denise said to Dan, who was still out of breath from running.  
Dan didn't feel at all annoyed at Phil for telling someone though he had specifically asked him not to, only concerned. He knew that Phil hadn't wanted to tell anyone either, so something must be seriously up for him to turn to Denise. "Is he okay?"  
"Did you know he was hurting himself?" Denise asked. Dan saw that her eyes were blinking back tears and knew that he at least owed it to her not to lie.  
"Yeah. He didn't want me to say anything. I think he feels like a burden to people."  
Denise nodded solemnly.  
"Is he okay?" Dan repeated.  
"He will be. You mean a lot to him Dan. Thank you for coming over."_

_"Hey Phil," Dan smiled sadly as he put his hand reassuringly on Phil's shoulder. "How are you doing?"  
Phil looked up and gave Dan a weak smile in return. "Hey."  
Dan slid onto the sofa and pulled Phil close, stroking his hair and mumbling reassurance to him. "What's happened?"  
Phil clung to Dan as he spoke in soft, hushed tones. "My parents. I hate them! They're always ruining things and I'm fed up of it! They're never even HERE! I BARELY SEE THEM AND NOW THEY'RE MOVING TO FUCKING AUSTRALIA FOR A FEW MONTHS!"  
"Phil, shhh, it's going to be okay, I promise," Dan soothed. "It'll be okay, I'm here."  
Dan lifted Phil's chin and kissed him. "I promise you. We'll make it through this."_

"What can we make a video about?" Dan smiled like an excited little child. He'd never made a video before and this was exciting for him. He'd been thinking about starting his own channel, he loved watching Phil's and he had always wanted to become a YouTuber himself. Maybe now was the time.  
"I haven't done a questions and answers video for a long time?" Phil told him. "There were some requests for one of those in my tumblr ask box."  
Dan nodded. This seemed like a good idea. Picking up a sharpie, he began to draw on his face. First, circling a small black spot on the end of his nose, and then a few lines across each cheek.  
"I'm a cat!"  
Phil laughed. Dan always knew how to cheer him up, and that was priceless. Dan was priceless.  
"I want some cat whiskers too!" Phil grinned.  
Dan reached up to Phil's face and held it still with his right hand. He then carefully drew the same on his boyfriend's face, careful not to smudge it. He was forever smudging his writing because he was left-handed. His essays at school often looked like he'd dropped a bottle of ink on them. Not only that, he couldn't help but constantly elbow Phil because of their opposite writing hands when they were at their desk (which they still shared and sometimes snuck little hand brushes or dreamy gazes).

Phil's smile grew, and little dimples appeared on his cheeks. Dan loved Phil's smile. His eyes would always light up, and when he laughed, his tongue began to curl at the front of his mouth, and Dan thought that was freaking adorable.  
"Meow!" Phil said, in what Dan could only have described as a _perfect _cat impression.  
Phil stood up and began to set up his camera.  
"We should probably film it on the floor because there's more space," Phil suggested, pointing to the only gap on his carpet that was not filled with mess.  
"I like to try and keep the mess out of shot, so help me clear some floor space."

"Hey Guys!" Phil waved towards the camera balanced on his desk. "Today, I am joined by a special guest! Say hello Dan."  
Dan saluted with two fingers. He had absolutely no idea why did this but it just felt the most natural thing to do in that moment.  
"I've just been checking my tumblr asks, and it seems like a lot of you want to see another Q&amp;A!" Phil moved his laptop infront of him and Dan and pointed towards the screen which was showing his ask box.  
"We're going to just read out the asks and I'll answer them, okay? You can answer them too though if you want," Phil told Dan. "Just do whatever you want, whatever feels right. I do a lot of editing at the end so we can choose what we want in and what we don't later."  
Dan nodded to show that he understood, and began to scroll through the questions.

"This one is from AnyaFarmyard8876 and she wants to know how you keep your hair so straight!" Dan smiled. "Share your secrets!"  
Phil grinned; Dan was so natural in front of the camera. "Umm, it's just straight I guess. But I do use straighteners sometimes! Dan doesn't believe me though."  
Dan gazed lovingly at Phil, his eyes filled with adoration for the boy.  
Phil bit his lip and continued on to the next question. "What is a glabella?" Phil was confused, and was unsure if it would even be appropriate. "I don't know…maybe we should google it?"  
"What if something really inappropriate comes up? Do you want the whole internet to see that?!"  
"Look! It's the part above your nose and in between you eyebrows!" Phil exclaimed, pointing at the Wikipedia page in front of him. "My subscribers aren't dirty minded like you!"

"Can you roll your tongue?" Dan read, then looked intently up at Phil, who was smirking.  
"Nope…can you?" he replied, looking to Dan.  
"Yeah, watch!" Dan leaned forwards and kissed Phil softly on the lips, prising open his mouth and caressing Phil's tongue with his own. Phil breathed in and returned the kiss with a low moan.  
Pulling away, Phil brushed Dan's fringe from his eyes. "Edit that bit out?"

"Re-enact a scene from the Titanic!" Phil said, a glint in his eye. He lay down on the floor, looking towards his camera to make sure he was in shot, then propped his head up with his hand. "Draw me like one of your French girls Jack!"  
Dan grabbed a notepad and a pencil and stuck his tongue out in concentration as he drew a very quick doodle of Phil. Laughing to himself, he gave Phil the anatomy of a woman and drew a speech bubble that read "Oooh I love you Daniel."  
Phil mockingly brushed his arm across his eyebrow and moaned. "Oh Jack, what beautiful artwork!"  
Dan grinned. "Wait until you see it."  
Phil sat up and shuffled towards Dan. "Oh my God…DAAANNN!"  
"Whaaat?!" Dan innocently replied, blinking his eyes furiously.  
"Edit that out?" Dan smirked.  
"No…let my subscribers be forever confused about what the drawing actually was…"

After a few hours, the two boys had finished filming the video and had edited it meaning it was ready to be uploaded the next day. They pressed play and began to watch their finished piece.

_"Hey Guys! Today, I am joined by a special guest! Say hello Dan."_

Dan cringed slightly as he watched himself salute the camera, though Phil assured him that it was cool. Dan wasn't convinced though, and had a feeling that Phil was only saying that.

"_I've just been checking my tumblr asks, and it seems like a lot of you want to see another Q&amp;A! … HERE WE GO!"_

_"This one is from AnyaFarmyard8876 and she wants to know how you keep your hair so straight! Share your secrets!"  
_Dan noticed that his voice sounded very different on film and was slightly self-conscious of it.  
"Phil, do I always sound like that?" he asked the black haired internet genius.  
"Uh huh. You always hear yourself different on camera for some reason. I don't think I sound like that either. You get used to it after a while though." Dan wasn't sure about that. And his skin looked slightly darker on camera, probably because of the lighting.

Phil watched as he bit his lip on the screen in front of him. Hopefully his subscribers wouldn't notice. He didn't want everyone to know yet…though the speculation in the comments would probably be pretty funny.  
_"What is a glabella?"  
"I don't know…maybe we should google it?"  
"What if something really inappropriate comes up? Do you want the whole internet to see that?!" "Look! It's the part above your nose and in between you eyebrows. My subscribers aren't dirty minded like you!"  
_Dan and Phil both laughed. "I'm so not dirty minded!" Dan protested.  
"Yeah you are! You laughed when I said I liked the feel of wood!" Phil argued.  
"But that was NOT an innocent thing to say! Anybody would have interpreted it like that!"  
"Nope, you're definitely dirty minded."  
"Mmmm…maybe a little bit?" Dan held his thumb and finger a centimetre apart as if to say he wasn't very dirty minded at all.

_"Can you roll your tongue?"_ Dan looked up at Phil who was smirking, still staring at the computer screen.

"_Nope…can you?"_ Then there was a jumpcut. Dan noticed their cat whisker were slightly smudged in the next seen, and when he pointed it out to Phil, Phil frowned.  
"Do you think they'll notice?"  
"No…probably not."

_"Re-enact a scene from the Titanic!"_ Phil watched himself lie down on the floor and laughed at how cringy this scene was. _"Draw me like one of your French girls Jack!"_

Remembering the actual picture that Dan had drawn, Phil spluttered. They had angled the sketchpad so that the camera couldn't actually see Dan's final piece, and Phil knew there would probably be a few comments from people who were curious to know what it was.

"_Oh Jack, what beautiful artwork!"  
_ _"Wait until you see it."_

Pause. _"Oh my God…DAAANNN!"_

Dan nudged Phil's arm. "You're adorable when you do that."

The video jumped to the next scene, which was Dan squealing into Phil's ear, and attacking him with a small lion toy that often sat in the background of Phil's videos. Phil had edited the sound so that the scream was an even higher pitch than Dan had intended and they had to cover their ears because it almost pierced their eardrums. Then Dan had asked the next question, with no explanation for the squeal.

_"Have you seen Frozen?" Dan asked, reading from the screen in front of them, then looking up at Phil questioningly.  
"Let it gooooo, let it GOOO. Can't hold your ducks anymoreeeee, LET THEM QUACK, LET THEM QUAAAACK. TURN YOUR BACK AND HEAR THEM QUAAACK." Phil sung to the famous song's tune. "So is that a yes?"  
"That's a yes." The two boys laughed, Dan shaking his head as though in despair.  
"_Your improvisation there was pretty cool to be honest," Dan told Phil as they watched the footage back.  
"Why thank you Danielsa."  
"Danielsa?"  
"Yeah. That's yours and Elsa's ship name."  
"You ship me and Elsa?!"  
"Totally. I can see it now!" Phil told Dan.  
"Oh my God. I dread to think what images you have in your mind…"  
"DAAAAAN!"

The next jumpcut took them to Dan with a wall-e toy balanced on his head, glaring into the camera, saying absolutely nothing. This was when Phil had gone to the toilet and told Dan to behave. When they had begun to edit, Phil had realised that Dan had filmed not only this, but also a strip show, but only going down to his boxers. It had been quite amusing watching Dan fumble to quickly pull his clothes back on as he heard Phil's footsteps walking along the corridor.

"_Invent a song."  
"Is that all it says?" Dan asked.  
"Yep."  
"Ummm…Twinkle twinkle placenta rat, I'm so cool and you're a twat. Santa likes your purple beard, just like Phil you are so weird. Twinkle twinkle sparkle toes, your *BLEEP*'s shiny but my *BLEEP* glows."  
_Dan looked at Phil and erupted into laughter. "That is literally hilarious! You could sell that on iTunes!"  
"I know, but why did you bleep out the word 'dick'?!" Dan mocked.  
"Because there might be newborn hedgehogs watching!" Phil whined. "You can never know for certain! And I'm not going to be the reason their minds are polluted!"  
"Phil…if they're on the internet, it's too late!" Dan grinned.

Next jumpcut was followed by a close up on Phil's eye. In the reflection, you could just make out the camera lense. But that wasn't what had caught Dan's attention. Dan was mesmerised by those beautiful, blue pupils…

_"Would you rather *BLEEP* a hedgehog or a porcupine?" Phil asked Dan.  
"Wouldn't they both be like…equally painful?!"  
"Probably…so which do you choose?"  
Dan's eyes widened and he looked at Phil in surprise. "Uhhhh…a hedgehog?"  
Phil covered his mouth whilst he chuckled to himself.  
_ Phil hated the way his tongue crept to the front of his mouth and he always instinctively covered it by his hand, though Dan pushed it away; he loved that little adorable tongue poke.__

_"Will you be my boyfriend?" Dan asked Phil. "Brandon wants to know."  
_Dan internally laughed as he watched how Phil's eyes widened until he understood that a fan had asked him this. _  
"Umm…if I ever find needing a cuddlebuddy…I'll be sure to let you know."_

"Seriously Phil…a cuddlebuddy?"  
"Yeah! I think cuddles are better than kisses sometimes in a relationship."  
Dan snuggled into Phil, wrapping his arms tight around Phil's middle. "I'm glad, because I like cuddles too…meooow!"  
Phil looked down at Dan and little butterflies fluttered in his stomach. They continued to watch back their first Philisnotonfire and agreed that it was ready for upload. Phil saved it into his documents and wrote on his hand to try and remember that it was to be uploaded the following day.

"BOYS! DINNER'S READY!" Denise shouted.  
"ON OUR WAY!" Dan shouted back. He had become very comfortable being at Phil's house. It was almost like his second home, and he thought Denise was amazing.  
"Let's go get tea. I'm sure Denise said it was curry tonight," Phil said, pulling Dan to his feet and dragging him down the stairs. 


	9. Little Brotherly Concern

It wasn't like Dan was particularly s_ad_, that wasn't exactly the word...he was more confused, unsure, and even a little frightened. As he lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling, he couldn't help but allow every little negative thought to spill into his brain. This happened sometimes, and usually, he would just close his eyes and try to drift off. But this time was different. This time, and every time for the past couple of weeks, whenever Dan had a moment where his mind wasn't occupied with something else, these thoughts would begin to race through his head. Phil had begun to notice, often asking him if he was okay and squeezing his hand. His Mum had begun to notice, his Dad had begun to notice, and even his teachers had begun to notice that he often seemed preoccupied with other thoughts.

It wasn't because he was depressed. He just had a problem. And it felt like until that problem was solved, he would never be able to relax. He loved Phil, he really did. Each time he saw him, his love for the boy grew stronger. They had known each other for only 8 months…time had flown…and yet each time they saw each other, they fell in love a little more. The problem was, they both knew that they couldn't keep their relationship a secret forever. It was easier for Phil because he never actually saw his parents, and Denise, the housekeeper, whom he had a very good relationship with, already knew. However, Dan's parents and brother didn't even know he was gay at all, never mind that he was 7 and a half months into a relationship with another boy, and this was beginning to take its toll.

Sure, it may have seemed to anyone else that all Dan had to do was appear impartial whenever someone mentioned gay relationships, or remain subtle when in public with Phil, but this wasn't all there was to hiding a relationship.  
Whenever his mother asked about a girl who had commented on a Facebook photo of Dan's, and jokingly asked if she was Dan's girlfriend, Dan had to fight he urge to become angry, or visibly irritated by her assumption that he was into girls. Whenever someone made a joke about gays at school, Dan had to pretend not to be offended, or lose his temper. If his phone buzzed whilst he was out with his parents, he had try not to look too eager to reply when he saw Phil's name. 2 months earlier, on Valentine's Day, Dan had to be discreet about buying a gift for Phil, and this meant signing his card whilst perched on a wall in town, and stuffing this and the gift into the bottom of his bag. He then hid the bag in his wardrobe for the next week until he could give it to his boyfriend. On top of that, when he spent that night with Phil, he had to try and remain reserved about the fact that he was spending such a romantic evening with another boy.  
There was a lot more to it than just hiding it.

One day, they were going to have to tell everyone, and aside from the reaction of those closest to them, the bullies were still slipping in snide comments whenever the opportunity arose. To find out that the two gay boys they were victimising were actually gay _for each other_, would be like handing them a loaded gun.

Dan's thoughts were racing, his mind was clouded by his tiredness, and at that moment, everything felt like such a massive problem. He felt like nothing would be better again until the moment that he found the solution, and until then, he saw no way to fix the situation other than to lie awake at night and question his future.

Dan picked up his phone and checked his messages. There were the usual ones from his mother that he never really replied to like 'come downstairs, tea is ready', and 'where r u', but among them, he saw that his brother had texted him. Andrew never texted Dan; he wasn't even aware he had his new number, so immediately Dan was worried. Was his brother okay? Had he seen Andrew come in that night, or was he in some sort of trouble? What if a gang had caught up with him? What if Andrew's foot was lying abandoned in a ditch, unattached to the rest of his body?! Dan knew his tiredness was probably exaggerating the situation, but the fear was real. In that moment, every situation that he and Andrew had fought flashed before his eyes.

'_You okay? I can hear you through the wall,' _the message read.Dan's eyes widened in horror. It was at that moment that he noticed he'd been crying, his pillow tear-stained, little lines of water running down the sides of his face. Immediately embarrassed, he replied '_You must be hearing the cat from next door. I'm fine, I'm trying to sleep you idiot.'  
_Dan hoped that this would be sufficient for his brother to leave the conversation and go to sleep, but when had he ever been so lucky?

After only a few seconds from pressing the send button, Dan's bedroom door began to creak open, and Andrew emerged from behind it, fumbling for the light switch.  
"Don't you fucking dare switch that light on," Dan mumbled, covering his face with his duvet.  
"Where are you then?" Andrew hissed back into the darkness of his brother's room.  
"In bed. What the fuck do you want?"  
Andrew shuffled over with his arms outstretched to ensure that he wouldn't bump into something that Dan had randomly left in the middle of the room, and sat on his brother's bed cross-legged.

Dan wiped his cheek again with the corner of his duvet cover, just to make sure that he hadn't left any visible tears streaked down it. Pushing himself into a sitting position, Dan sighed. "Mum and Dad will hear you, you need to go back to bed."  
"What's up? Tell me. Then I'll go back to bed," Andrew grinned, attempting to blackmail him with his annoying presence. "I know you're upset, just tell me. I mean, I have an idea what's up, but I want you to tell me."

Dan was taken aback by Andrew's concern. They had always gotten along, though they had never shown very much emotion towards each other. Yet here he was, sitting on his brother's bed, demanding to know why Dan was so upset.  
"I'm not stupid Dan," Andrew muttered. "I can hear you're upset even now…your voice is all weird and croaky."  
"Nothing is wrong, but there will be in a minute when I stab you with a spork."  
"Shut up," Andrew laughed. "You wouldn't dare. You don't even have a spork to start with."  
"Oh yeah? If you don't get off my bed, you'll soon find out."  
Andrew smiled, and gave a little laugh, before his face fell and he turned to face Dan properly.  
"Dan…seriously. What's up? I know I'm your little kid brother but I want to know…"  
"Oh yeah?" Dan switched his lamp on next to his bed and saw that his brother did genuinely look concerned. For a moment, he considered telling Andrew, but then the degrading thoughts got the better of him. He hadn't even told Andrew that he was gay, so he wasn't about to let it all out and tell him that he was actually in a relationship with another male.  
"Is it to do with that boy?"

Dan's heart was in his mouth. "How do you know about him?!"  
"Seriously Dan? You're always texting him!" Andrew smiled, glancing down at his lap, slightly embarrassed to be outing Dan without Dan telling him first.  
"That means nothing!" Dan protested. "We're just friends!"  
"I never said you were anything more than friends, you dork!" Andrew grinned smugly, "I never said anything. You said it, not me!"  
"Oh yeah…haha, I was just thinking you were like, saying something like that." By this point, Dan was breaking into a sweat, his heart felt like it was melting and seeping into his toes, and his whole body ached with embarrassment.  
"Yeah, but anyway, I saw a message from him pop up on your screen the other day. I didn't mean to, I swear."  
Dan's throat felt like a swarm of bees were bustling around in it, and his chest began to tighten in fear. He felt like a snake was constricting his airways. At this point, he felt like his entire life was crashing down around him. He felt like he was about to faint.  
"What…w-what did it say?"  
"It was Phil. He said he loved you too," Andrew whispered. "I'm sorry Dan, I really am. I didn't mean to see it and I swear I felt awful, but just talk to me!"  
"ANDREW I SWEAR TO GOD!"  
"Shh! Keep it down already!" Andrew hissed, not wanting to wake their parents. That would probably make the situation even more awkward…and he knew that his older brother would never forgive him for that (if he even ever forgave him for this.)

"So what's the deal between you and Phil?"  
Dan sighed. He hadn't wanted to tell Andrew, and he felt annoyed at himself for getting angry with his brother. Andrew was just concerned…why should he be angry with someone who is genuinely concerned?  
"I'm gay."  
"Well I figured that one out to be honest…" Andrew said.  
"That obvious?" Dan smirked.  
"No! No, I didn't mean it like that! I meant as in you and another boy having a relationship…I kind of figured you were gay," Andrew whispered urgently, as though believing Dan really had taken offence.  
"It's fine," Dan laughed. He felt relieved that Andrew had taken this as well as what he had. He knew he was probably over-exaggerating the entire situation in his head, but he couldn't help but picture his whole family disowning him. At least now, he had one less person's reaction to worry about.

"So…you…and Phil?" Andrew asked, trying to get his head around the situation. It wasn't that he wasn't okay with it; it was just that it would take some getting used to, and since Dan hadn't told their parents yet, he'd have to watch what he said. He'd pretty much been certain that his brother was in a relationship with Phil after he'd seen the message, but he didn't want to 100% believe it, in case he made himself out to be a fool when he approached Dan about it. But now he knew it was true, he couldn't help but be shocked.  
"Yeah. Me and Phil."  
"For how long?" Andrew asked. He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. It was one thing that Dan had kept this secret from him at all, but it was another thing that he had kept it for so long.  
"I dunno, probably about 7 months?"  
"And I haven't met him?" He tried not to sound too huffed, but he couldn't help but have a hint of annoyance in his tone. Surely Dan hadn't thought Andrew would be judgemental? Or bully him? He was a little excited that his brother was in a relationship, and he had been secretly stalking Phil on Facebook, so he knew that he seemed like a decent enough person.  
"No, I guess not." Dan answered indifferently.  
"Will you introduce me?"  
"I guess so. I'll have to ask Phil first," Dan told him. He was slightly worried what Phil would think when he found out that Dan had told his brother without asking him first, but he was pretty much sure that he would be okay about it. He began to picture the scenario of him introducing his brother to his boyfriend in his head, and his heart leapt with excitement and fear.

Dan pulled his duvet up, and lay down, kicking Andrew from the bed, so that he landed on the floor with a soft thud.  
"Now go away. You said you would," he scowled.  
"No, I said I'd go away when you told me what was _wrong_," Andrew corrected him, climbing back onto the bed and sitting on Dan's legs. "If you don't tell me, I'll start jumping about, and being really noisy so Mum and Dad hear and then they'll want to know what's going on too."  
"Seriously. You are so annoying," Dan mumbled, sitting back up and frowning at his super annoying brother.  
"Well try growing up with you as a brother. You'd be exactly the same."

"Look Andrew, I'm just worried. Eventually, I'm going to have to tell Mum and Dad, and I don't know what they're going to say. Mum's always going on about me meeting girls and I don't like girls. Dad's all traditional and stuff…and Grandma? She's going to go bat shit crazy."  
Andrew sighed, and muttered in agreement. "You're right about Grandma…but she'll get over it. As for Mum and Dad, I think they'd just be happy that you're happy. I really think you should tell them."  
Dan considered his brother's advice for a moment, before nodding. "Yeah, I guess so. But how?"  
"You should probably invite Phil over to start with. Maybe we could invite him to tea and you could tell them then?"  
"Will you help me?"  
"Sure."


	10. Sassy Phil

"Mum…is it okay for me to bring a friend round for tea?" Dan asked sheepishly. He had been thinking about his conversation with Andrew the previous night, and had since decided that before he chickened out, he would arrange for Phil to come over to his house. The plan was that after dinner, Andrew was going to call everyone to the lounge, and Dan was going to explain to them that he and Phil were an item. This way, Andrew was there to support Dan, as was Phil.

"A friend?" Mrs Howell asked, trying not to sound too surprised. She always asked Dan about his friends at school, but she knew that he struggled with social situations, and deep down, she knew that Dan didn't really have many friends, if any at all. So naturally, when Dan approached her asking to bring home a friend, she was surprised.  
"Yeah. From school," Dan told her. "I mean, it's okay if I can't, I was just wondering."  
Mrs Howell tried to read the expression on her son's face. She was usually good at judging what he was thinking, but recently he had become more distant, and often seemed deep in thought. This caused her great concern, because she had also noticed that he very rarely returned home from school on time. When she confronted her son, he had told her that he was just 'with a friend' and refused to give any more detail than that. As a mother, Mrs Howell immediately feared the worst; gangs, drugs, fights…

"Yes, that's fine Dan, but shouldn't I get in touch with his mother?" Mrs Howell asked.  
"No Mum, I'm not 5!" Dan moaned. Sometimes his mother could be so embarrassing…  
"What's his name?" Mrs Howell asked, then quickly added, "I mean, what's _their _name. I shouldn't assume they're male…female friends are okay too…sometimes better…knock a bit of sense into you-," she babbled.  
"He's called Phil. So is tonight okay?"  
"Well, I'd rather tomorrow night, as I haven't taken enough chicken out of the freezer for an extra person," she fretted.  
"That's okay…I probably won't be in tonight anyway. I'm staying at Phil's."  
"_Are you now?! _You could have asked Daniel!"  
"Sorry. Can I stay at Phil's," Dan sarcastically asked, entirely monotone. He didn't see the point in asking. He never usually did, and nothing bad had happened as of yet.  
"It's a school night, Dan."  
"_Please?"  
_Mrs Howell sighed. She was happy that Dan was making friends at this new school. She had been concerned that he was being bullied, as Mrs Millen had told her that he wasn't getting on with the others. For this reason, she decided to agree. "Only if you promise that you'll do your homework whilst you're there. Mrs Millen says you're falling behind."  
"I've stayed at Phil's loads of times and still done my homework."  
"Yes, well it would have been nice if you'd asked those times as well."  
"And I'll bring Phil back with me tomorrow after school okay?"  
"Okay. But remember your homework!" Mrs Howell shouted, as Dan had already walked out of the door.

Suddenly, everything made sense to Mrs Howell. Her son hadn't been at the library, or staying at after-school clubs. He'd been at his friend's house. And the nights that he claimed to have been at a friend's…he really had been. She felt relieved. For a while, Mrs Howell had been concerned about the whereabouts of her son, and had been becoming increasingly anxious that he was involved in a gang or something like that, because more often than not, he wouldn't come home for hours after school. Sometimes, he didn't come home at all. Now, she felt like it all made sense. Dan really did have a friend. But one thing that's she just couldn't work out, was why would Dan keep that a secret? Why hadn't he brought Phil to their house before?

As Dan walked to the memorial statue to meet Phil, he felt excited, yet nervous. He had absolutely no idea how Phil was going to react, because as much as they had texted about coming out to his parents last night, and throughout the morning, Dan knew that Phil could hide a lot behind the black and white messages of his phone. But Dan was relieved to see that Phil was grinning when he caught up to him. Dan grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly, glancing around to make sure they were alone before placing a gentle kiss on his boyfriend's lips. Phil squeezed Dan's hand in return, and made sure to let go before they began their walk to school.

"So can you stay at my house tonight?" Phil asked eagerly.  
"Yeah, and I asked Mum if you can come over tomorrow night and she's cool with that," Dan smiled. "I'm really nervous though. Andrew was pretty relaxed about the whole thing, he already knew, the little bastard, but I just don't know what my Mum is going to say. Or my Dad." Dan hadn't slept much that night due to spending all of his time thinking and worrying. He had come to the decision that his Dad would probably be okay with it; anything that made Dan happy, but his mother may be more concerned that he wouldn't ever produce a grandchild.  
"It'll be okay, I'll be there, and if they hate me, I guess we'll just have to have a love affair like Romeo and Juliet! But I'm Romeo okay?" Phil replied, his cute little tongue poking out the corner of his mouth as he laughed.  
"I hope it goes okay, but I just want you to know…" Dan stopped and reached for both of Phil's hands. "I love you no matter what they say, and I always will." 

Later, at break time, Dan and Phil sat on the field in their usual spot, drinking smoothies. Phil had brought some cake from home that Denise had made, and Dan had somehow managed to get the icing everywhere, including on the end of his nose. Phil wiped it off with his thumb and laughed as the chocolate smudged even more. He fished in his bag for his phone and took a photograph to show Dan. When he saw the picture of himself, Dan laughed, the little dimples in his cheeks becoming more prominent. Phil hadn't him a napkin that Denise had also included in the lunch box. Obviously, she knew how clumsy the two of them could be.

"My parents are coming home next month," Phil grinned to Dan. He had received an email from them that morning, telling him all about how well their business venture was going in Australia, with a small sentence towards the end saying 'see you in a few weeks.'  
Dan smiled back, pulling Phil into a massive hug. Although he hadn't spoken a great deal about his parents' absence, Dan knew that it bothered Phil a lot. Dan could see a lot of similar characteristics in Phil that Denise had, and knew that he must have spent at least triple the time with her than with his own parents. He also knew that Phil felt a lot of anger towards his Mum and Dad, but missed them all the same.  
"Dan! We're in public!" Phil hissed.  
"I don't care, that's _amazing _news!" he cried.  
"Denise says they'll only be home for a few weeks before they have to go to America, but I'm glad I'll get to see them for a little while at least," Phil said. "Anyway, I've been thinking; maybe I could come out to them? I dunno, I don't think they'd take it well but I'm tired of hiding it. Denise reckons it'd make me feel better if I didn't keep it secret from them. Maybe not tell everyone yet…but my own _parents?" _Phil seemed to have been thinking about this a lot, as when he spoke about it, it fell out his mouth in one long breath, his eyes reflecting the fear he felt inside. Clearly, Phil had put a lot of thought into this, and Dan was determined to be supportive of him, no matter how scared he was.  
"Phil, I think that's a great idea, but you need to prepare yourself. I don't want you to get upset if they're not okay with it. I don't want you to hurt yourself over it," Dan told him. "I'm not going anywhere and we don't have to rush into anything."

Later that day, the pair began to make their way towards Phil's house, which was situated in a quiet estate, along with a few other very large houses. It wasn't a long walk, only about 10 minutes, but as soon as they had left the gates, Dan felt a sharp pain at the back of his head. Turning around, he was just in time to see another stone flying towards his face. He felt the sharp scratch on his cheek and after touching the area that had been hit, Dan pulled his hand away to find it covered in blood. Knowing that Phil would crawl into his quiet shell, Dan sighed and prepared for the worst.

The pain in his cheek stung like mad, and grabbing a tissue from his bag, Dan pressed it to his face and looked up to the place he could hear shouting. Much to his surprise, it was not the boys that had thrown the stones that were making the noise.  
"YOU FUCKING SHITS. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU GET OUT OF THIS?!" Phil raged. "WHO THE FUCK GIVES A SHIT IF I'M GAY. IT'S NOT A DISEASE. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WAKE UP TOMORROW WANTING TO FUCK BOYS, YOU BASTARD."  
"Ooohh, little Philly has a voice! Next he'll be asking for a fuck!"  
"Just because I'd rather sleep with men, doesn't mean I don't have standards," Phil retorted.  
Dan was taken aback. Not only was Phil shouting, but he was swearing. And not only was he swearing, he was swearing at a group of threatening teenagers who wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face. Dan had seen nothing like it. Racing over to pull Phil away, he stumbled, almost falling, and unfortunately attracting the attention of the boys.  
"Oh look! It's the other one!" They crowed. Dan didn't care what they said, he was not about to find him or his boyfriend in trouble over a few pathetic losers like this, no matter how much he found sassy Phil sexy.

"Come on Phil. They're not worth it," Dan panted, as he finally caught up, blood trickling down his face. Upon noticing the cut to Dan's cheek, Phil's anger grew.  
"_You think you're so fucking funny, but you know what's funny?" _Phil shouted.  
"What would that be faggot?" The boy laughed, turning to gain support from his group, who immediately began to laugh along with him.  
"That your Mum didn't know how to use a condom, and ended up with you."

The group of boys tried to stifle their sniggers at Phil's comeback, but failed miserably, causing their ringleader to explode. Lunging forward, he began to square his shoulders and clench his fists. Dan pulled Phil away by the hood of his jumper, and the boy missed Phil's head by millimetres. Unfortunately, this caused Phil's sleeves to slide up a few centimetres, revealing a few very obvious scars. Phil's heart was in his mouth as he quickly pulled them back down, but it was too late; the damage had been done. Dan couldn't speak for shock. In that moment, he just wanted the ground to swallow him up.  
"_Would you look at that boys_? He even failed at killing himself. Do it right next time, will you?" another boy from the group leered.  
Dan watched as Phil quickly recovered from his shock and his expression of pure hatred returned.  
"If I wanted to kill myself, I'd just climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ," Phil muttered, before grabbing Dan's arm and walking in the direction of his home.

"JUST YOU WAIT YOU FUCKING PRICK," the boy shouted in return, but Dan and Phil were laughing too much to hear. 


	11. People Mean More Than Stars

Sorry this took so long…little bit of smut in this one. If that's not your kind of thing, just wait for the next chapter and miss this one out!

"Hey Denise!" Phil smiled, bursting through the door with Dan closely following him. Dropping his bag in the hallway, Dan began to kick his shoes off.  
"Hi boys!" Denise replied, wiping her hands down her apron as she walked through to the hall from the kitchen. She had clearly been baking something by the delicious smell wafting through from the kitchen. Phil's guess was on her speciality; apple pie. "Oh goodness Dan! What happened to your face?!"  
"Just some kids…" Phil mumbled, as he pulled his shoes from his feet and dumped them next to Dan's bag.  
Dan smiled weakly at her, and nodded in agreement. "It's nothing."  
"Come here, I'll get that fixed up for you," Denise fussed. "What happened?" Phil felt a rush of guilt as he saw Denise's disappointed expression, though he knew this was not directed at him in particular; more so towards the bullies that had been plaguing him for years. He couldn't count on his fingers and toes combined the amount of times he'd come home with bruises, scrapes and tears.  
Phil proceeded to explain how the boys had thrown stones at Dan's face, and how he had foolishly retaliated to them. Denise listened intently, whilst wiping at Dan's cheek with an antiseptic wipe and fixing a steri-strip over the wound.

She had always kept a first aid kit on hand since working in the Lester Residence. Phil had always been a clumsy child, much to his parents' distaste, though Denise had never understood why they were so annoyed about it. It wasn't them that had taken him to hospital for every broken bone or burn. It wasn't them that mopped up the blood, the mess, the damage. It wasn't them that wiped away his tears and hugged him close, soothing him until he felt better. No, it had always been her. She'd always been the first, and only, person to get up through the night when Phil was unwell. She'd rub his back and hold a cold flannel to his forehead, feed him calpol and tuck him up under the covers in front of his favourite children's programme. Hell, his parents probably didn't even know that he liked Peppa Pig better than Thomas the Tank Engine, never mind that Mummy pig was his favourite character. The thing was, this had always been easier for Denise; the physical ailments, the injuries, the fevers, because she always knew that she could do something about it. She could hold him close and sing to him, or give him medicine that would make him feel better, but not this time. She felt so helpless that she couldn't take away his pain. She couldn't save him from the bullies, and she couldn't save him from _himself_. Countless times, she had tried talking sense into Mr and Mrs Lester. She had tried to explain what an incredible little boy they were missing out on. She sent photographs as their son took his first steps. She sent a video of his second word; mama. (His first word had been 'Nees' and she knew his mother would prefer to hear it had been something relating to her rather than her housekeeper.) Whenever she brought up the subject, they would remind her that she was to keep her opinions to herself, as she was easily replaced. Knowing that Phil needed her, she therefore remained quiet on the issue, and instead, was forced to watch the boy carve his way through his childhood and teenage years without the guidance or love of his parents.__

Later that night, at around 11pm, Dan and Phil chose a movie from Phil's massive collection, and began to get ready for bed. Phil gave Dan a t-shirt and sweatpants to wear, then chose his own pyjamas, changing into them on the other side of the room. Dan pulled on the t-shirt, but before he had the chance to do the same with the sweatpants, Phil's arms snaked around his shoulders. A soft, sharp intake of breath escaped his lips as he felt Phil's body close to his.  
Phil began to plant soft kisses down his boyfriend's neck, turning Dan's body slowly around to face his own. Suddenly, Dan began to push Phil backwards onto the bed behind them, kissing him fiercely. Phil, though at first shocked, returned the kisses, sliding his tongue along the edges of Dan's lips, asking silently for permission to enter. Dan granted him access and as their tongues collided, Phil moaned. He sat up on Dan's lap and grinded himself into the boy beneath him, feeling both of them become hard.  
Their kisses became more passionate, their gasps louder.  
"I'm not ready to go all the way," Dan whispered. "I'm sorry."  
Phil pulled his boyfriend close and wrapped his arms around him. "Don't worry about it," he murmured back. "Neither am I."  
They pulled each other into a loving embrace, Phil resting his head on Dan's neck. They remained like this for some time, peacefully enjoying each other's company. Dan couldn't have said what time, but eventually, he noticed Phil's breathing become softer and slower, suggesting that he had fallen asleep. Kissing his forehead, Dan mumbled into Phil's hair. "I love you little lion."

…

_It was dark. Dan could feel the soft breeze, hear the rustling leaves…and suddenly, the soft, slow sound of footsteps nearby. The river water lapped the sides of the riverbank, and with each step he took, the shuffling behind him drew nearer. Dan's pace quickened, his breathing becoming quicker, his heart beating 5 times faster than usual. Shuffle shuffle shuffle…  
Dan had been out with his friends. He'd only had one drink, but his head was spinning. He'd left early, deciding to walk along the river to his home. It was creepy, but it was he quickest way, and he had been sure that as long as he was quick, he'd be safe. But halfway along, the footsteps had started. They had followed him as he took shortcuts and narrow pathways, yet when he turned around, nobody was there.  
Then, the shuffling became faster…it sounded almost like a run, and suddenly, Dan could smell the musky scent of a man's aftershave. With a sharp intake of breath, Dan turned around to see the face of his stalker, then fell to his knees in shock and defeat, screaming…hoping someone would hear him. _

"Dan! Dan…Dan, wake up!"  
Dan slowly drifted in and out of sleep, fighting to open his eyes.  
"Shhh, Dan, it's okay…I'm here."  
He recognised that voice. It was a safe voice.  
"Shhh, I'm here," Phil whispered softly into Dan's ear, cradling his head in his lap. Dan's eyes fluttered open, relief spreading through his face.  
"Phil, what happened?" Dan mumbled.  
"I don't know. I think you had a nightmare," Phil told him, running his fingers through his hair. "It's okay though, I'm here."  
Dan sighed, snuggling into his boyfriend's arms. He'd been having a few of these dreams recently, and each time they happened, he remembered even more from the night that the actual event happened. Each time, he felt the fear all over again, surging through his veins, causing his muscles to go weak and his thoughts to spin out of control. Yet each time, he felt like just as much a failure and coward as he did back then. He didn't want to tell Phil about it. He didn't want to tell anyone. He just wanted Phil's arms around him, protecting him, keeping him safe.  
Phil knew that Dan wouldn't want to go back to sleep. He stroked his hair, and ran his fingers along the edges of his cheeks. "How about we go outside…take a blanket and lie under the stars?"  
Dan nodded, grateful that Phil wasn't questioning him about his dream.

Grasping Dan's hand, Phil pulled the duvet from the bed and began to make his way down to the kitchen to collect some poptarts and coke cans. Quietly unlocking the back door, he and Dan made their way onto the grass, and snuggled under the duvet munching on their snacks.

"Phil?"  
"Uh-huh?"  
"The stars are so pretty aren't they?" Dan murmured. "Do they ever remind you how small you are in comparison to the rest of the universe? I mean, they're so far away that they could have died hundreds of years ago, and we wouldn't know."  
"Nobody would notice if a hundred of them suddenly disappeared though. If a hundred people suddenly disappeared from Earth, people would know. People may not be physically as large, but they mean more."  
"I love you," Dan whispered, laying his head on Phil's chest.  
"Daniel Howell, you're the best thing ever to happen to me."


	12. Don't Leave Me

**I've just moved house so I am so sorry about not posting for a while! It's going to be updated a lot more now. I have a few ideas for where this is going but I need some prompts for in between chapters! Please send me prompts for fluff! I'll upload again tomorrow to make up for it!**

"My house is just down this road," Dan mumbled as they turned onto a small street lined with grey terraced houses. They couldn't have more than 3 bedrooms each, and compared to Phil's mansion of a house, they were very small. Feeling slightly embarrassed, Dan ducked his head and added, "I don't live in a big house like you though…we don't have much money…" Dan's family had never had a lot of money. They weren't poor, but they didn't have anywhere near as much money as Phil's family. They lived in a small 3 bedroom house, with a shared kitchen-diner and a fair sized lounge. The attic had been converted into a little study, but neither Dan nor Andrew ever used it. Their old house had been bigger, but Mr and Mrs Howell had been in such a rush to move that they took the first half decent house they could find, vowing to upgrade within the year.

Phil put his arm around Dan's shoulder and pulled him close. "I do not give a flying _fishbowl_ where you live or how much money you have. You are awesome, and I love you." Dan smirked at his boyfriend's choice of words. Phil rarely swore, and Dan found his replacements hilarious. Usually he would have laughed, and teased Phil, but today, he was too nervous to focus on anything else.  
Sometimes, it embarrassed Phil that he had such a rich family. He always felt like others were comparing themselves to him, and he didn't like to think they were envious. Even though Phil had always had everything he'd ever asked for and more, he'd never had what he needed; his parents. He barely cared about the material stuff. He'd trade his limited edition xbox console and apple mac laptop for his parents' love any day.

Dan nodded, "Well, my Mum knows you're coming, and my brother is going to help us tell my parents. Just let me know if this isn't what you want because we can wait, I don't mind, really I don't. And we could just have tea and play xbox, we don't have to tell them. Or maybe we could wait another few weeks, or maybe a few months…hell, we don't ever have to tell them but-,"  
"Dan."  
"Uh-huh?" Phil caught Dan's eye and stopped walking.  
"I know you're nervous, but it'll be okay," he smiled, reassuringly.  
Dan wasn't so sure. Throughout the day, he had gone through periods of feeling very positive and excited about what the future could hold once his parents knew, but most of the time however, he felt absolutely terrified. He had been through every possible scenario he could think of in his head, including ending up homeless drunk, living in the woods, eating squirrels, and sleeping in trees like a monkey.

Dan stopped in front of a small terraced house with a painted red door, about three quarters of the way down the street. The window panes were slightly chipped and flaking, and the brickwork was beginning to wear. However, Phil immediately saw through the flaws and noticed that the lawn was cut, and there was a border of rose bushes planted the length of the grass. Taking a deep breath, Dan began to walk down the path.  
"Dan! Thank goodness you're home!" Mrs Howell exclaimed, as the door swung open, revealing his mother wearing a grin from ear to ear, and an eccentric pair of giraffe slippers.  
"Why?! Are Andrew and Dad okay?!" Dan panicked, walking slightly faster, pushing past his mother into the house.  
"Yes, they're absolutely fine! We have some fantastic news…hurry up!" Mrs Howell beamed. Turning to face Dan's guest, she reached out a hand, "And you must be Phil! I'm Dan's Mum," she explained, as Phil extended his hand expecting a handshake, but instead receiving a quick one armed hug. "Tea is nearly done…we're celebrating! I'm sorry it's so chaotic, but this really can't wait!"  
Dan looked at Phil, confusion etched on his face. "Mum? What's happened?"  
The two boys stepped into the hall and began to remove their shoes. Mrs Howell was practically jumping from one foot to the other, dancing into the kitchen where a pan of water was bubbling over and making a sizzling noise on the hob. Dan put his shoes on the left side of the bottom step and motioned for Phil to do the same. That was when he noticed Andrew. His brother was standing at the top of the stairs, frowning. He seemed to be in deep thought about something, and the way he was looking a Dan sent out warning signals.

Phil followed Dan into the lounge, his heart racing. "Want to play on the xbox? It's down here because me and Andrew were playing fifa yesterday whilst his room was being painted."  
Phil nodded, and helped himself to a controller that was on the arm of the sofa. "This is the limited edition Mortal Kombat controller!" he gasped in awe. "I've always wanted one! Denise couldn't find them anywhere!"  
Dan smiled, "I got mine from Game at the midnight selling of the game last year."  
At that moment, Mrs Howell walked into the room, a bounce in her step.  
"She's not always like this," Dan tried to laugh at his embarrassing mother.  
"Daniel, mind the cheek! Your Dad and I just have some amazing news!"  
"Mum…" Dan said, "Are you actually going to tell me what it is?"  
"We should wait for your father. He's just finishing off some paperwork upstairs!"  
"Paperwork for what, Mum?"  
"Steven!" Mrs Howell yelled. "Come downstairs so I can tell him!" Andrew wandered into the room, looking dull. Sitting down next to Dan, he crossed his legs and stared at the floor. Dan didn't have a good feeling about this.

The footsteps were drawing closer, the floorboards creaking, as a middle-aged man with brown hair and brown eyes walked into the room. Mrs Howell could barely contain her excitement, as she smiled at him, nodding her head as though to grant him permission to share the news.  
"We're moving house, son." Mr Howell said. He looked happy, but exhausted. There were little black bags underneath his eyes, suggesting that he had had very little sleep lately, and small grey patches of hair were beginning to appear on the very top of his head.  
Dan glanced at Phil, his heart pounding.  
"Wh-where to?" he whispered, dreading the answer. He already knew this was bad news. His parents had always made clear that it wasn't their intention to stay in this part of the country for long, but Dan had assumed they had changed their minds. After all, they had been here for almost a year and hadn't mentioned moving once. Andrew ducked his head further down, sighing with frustration.

Yet when Mrs Howell answered, her reply was far worse than Dan could have imagined.  
"Spain!" Mrs Howell exclaimed. "Isn't that _brilliant?!"  
_The colour drained from Dan's face, and he felt his legs becoming weak. His vision began to blur and he swayed from side to side with dizziness caused by the shock, yet still he managed to carry himself out of the house and as far away as he could. Once he started, he didn't stop running. He ran and ran and ran. His mind wasn't processing a single thing, his thoughts were non-existent. Houses became shops, and shops became greenery, greenery became forests, and forests became dark shadows. The brown haired boy ran, ignoring the stabbing pains in his chest and lungs. He didn't slow down until he stumbled over a rocky riverbed and collapsed into a heap.


	13. Lost and Found

"Dan?" Phil shouted, as he bolted out of the door and down the garden path after his boyfriend, who was already disappearing down the street. "DAN!"  
Mrs Howell followed Phil in her slippers, worry etched into each frown line and dimple. Her eyebrows were curved down at the edges, whilst still knitted together with concern. "He'll come back," she smiled weakly, although both she and Phil knew that Dan was in danger right now. She seemed to be reassuring herself just as much as she was everyone else. Phil walked back to the door and picked up his shoes, slipping them on in a hurry, fumbling with the laces.  
"Mum…me and Phil will go looking for him…you stay here in case he comes back," Andrew said, pulling his trainers onto his feet. Phil nodded at him gratefully.  
"I'm Andrew by the way. Dan's brother."  
"Phil," Phil replied, extending his hand. He had been so nervous about meeting Dan's family, but now he had something even more worrisome on his mind, and he was no longer so concerned about what Andrew would think of him. Phil had always been unpopular, and was more than used to even younger people laughing at him. Even though Dan was an amazing person with a wonderful personality, Phil couldn't help but have worried that Andrew would be the opposite. However, he had now completely forgotten about this. All that he cared about was finding Dan, and bringing him back safe. The thought of Dan moving away was terrifying…heartbreaking, but they would have to deal with that when he was safe. Phil pushed it out of mind and tried to focus everything on his boyfriend.

Mrs Howell began to reach for her coat, but Andrew squeezed her hand and gave her a reassuring smile. "Mum, we'll find him. But you need to stay here." She nodded, and Andrew reminded her to message with any news before pointing down the road towards a large forest area at the end of their street. Gesturing for Phil to follow him, he began to walk. "He usually goes here when he needs some space," Andrew told Phil, "He's only ran off once before, and something happened when he was gone. Nobody knows what, he won't tell us, but he hasn't been the same since."  
Phil remembered how Dan had woken through the night in a cold sweat, and sighed. He didn't know how to help Dan when he didn't know what exactly he was helping him with.  
"You've no idea at all what happened?" Phil asked.  
"None at all."

..

"DAN!" shouted Andrew, "DAN! …Try ringing him, Phil." They had come to the edge of the forest now, and Andrew was immediately forced to switch on his iPhone's flashlight. Phil's heart sank as he saw the small path leading through the trees. Phil knew that Dan had a fear of trees, especially in the dark…hell Dan was scared of the dark _without _trees, and the sun was beginning to go down. It was even darker amongst the trees.  
Phil unlocked his phone and scrolled down his contacts list to find Dan's name. Pressing the call button, he crossed his fingers in his pocket. He so desperately wanted Dan to pick up the phone, though he was filled with doubt. He had never seen Dan so upset. Whenever Phil was distressed, Dan always remained calm and strong. His voice never faltered. He came across as so confident, so sure of what he was saying, though Phil knew differently. Dan was extremely insecure, so unsure of himself. Yet, he'd stop at nothing to make sure others didn't feel the same way. And whenever he nuzzled his nose into Phil's hair, kissing his head and whispering words of love, Phil always felt warm and fuzzy; as though nothing in the world could bring him down.  
Just as Phil had expected, the phone rang off and he heard the familiar voicemail. _"Hey there. You've reached Dan…well, you've reached his voicemail anyway… Leave a message after the roar! ROOAR! Lolzor." _Phil sighed, tears welling in his eyes. Blinking fiercely, he turned to Andrew. "He's not answering."  
Andrew nodded. Clearly he cared more about his brother than he was letting on. "Okay. Well, just keep trying."

"DAN!" Phil shouted, pushing through the trees. "DAN!" The panic was evident in his voice; if Dan heard, he'd surely understand how scared Phil was and come back. He kept ringing and ringing, spending most of his minutes just listening to the dull ringing tone. He left voicemail after voicemail, and by the 27th call, Phil broke down. "_Dan…please please _please_ come home," _he sobbed.  
"Come on, let's sit down and have a rest. We're going to find him Phil," Andrew said.  
"Have you heard from your Mum?"  
"Still no sign of him," he replied, placing his hand on Phil's shoulder. "I promise you, it's going to be okay."  
"Yeah…he's probably just down by the canal. There are lights down there," Phil mumbled.  
"He loves you, you know," Andrew whispered, trying to find somewhere to sit amongst the thorns. "He talks about you to me all the time."  
Phil's eyes brimmed with tears. He didn't want Dan to move away, and although he had tried to distance these thoughts from his mind, he couldn't keep them from swirling around, threatening to make him cry at any moment. His heart was filled with fear that he'd have to say goodbye to him.  
"Don't hurt my brother," Andrew continued after a moment's silence, "he's been through so much, and if you're not serious-,"  
"Trust me, I am," Phil replied softly. "I love your brother. I've never fallen so hard for anyone, I've never imagined that one day I would meet someone that meant so much to me."  
Andrew nodded. "Thanks for making him smile again."  
At that moment, Phil's phone buzzed. No caller ID.  
"Hello?" Phil answered, the fear obvious in his shaking voice. "Who is this?"  
Andrew watched as Phil's eyes widened in shock, his brows knitted together with concern.  
"Uh-huh. Okay. I'll be right there. Thanks." Phil took the phone away from his ear and clicked the red button. Andrew looked at him expectantly.  
"Dan?"  
"No," Phil frowned. "Someone from school. But they've found Dan."  
"Where?" Andrew asked, "Is he okay?!"  
"He's in the hospital. Just a precaution. Should be home by tomorrow apparently."  
Andrew nodded and let out a big sigh. "He'll be at East View…it's only a bus ride away."

…

Phil had arrived at the hospital only 10 minutes after the phone call. He hadn't spoken to Seth in years, but he was glad he'd found Dan. Seth had been in school with Phil since preschool, and they had been great friends but since high school, they hadn't talked. Seth had gone his way, and Phil had gone his. Seth had found a group of friends. Phil hadn't. Shit happens…that's what Seth told him when Phil confronted him about it. And that had been that.  
Rushing over to the reception desk, he told the young receptionist Dan's name and was directed to a small assessment ward. He knew that he and Andrew must have looked a right mess, mud caked up their trouser legs, but he needed to see Dan. As soon as he spotted a doctor, Phil asked for the room number that Dan was in, but was greeted by an unfriendly man in his 50's, who insisted that it was not possible for him to go in. Andrew had rushed off to phone his mother and wait at the hospital entrance for her, and Phil began to panic. Mrs Howell had been beside herself with worry, and was extremely relieved to hear that her eldest son had been found safe.

"Sir, I hear what you are saying but you need to listen to me," Phil pleaded.  
"I cannot let you in there. You are not a family member. I'm sorry."  
"We're…sort of related. Look, I need to see him!"  
"Well, you'll have to wait until his family get here, and he's feeling better," the doctor replied, walking away and returning to his paperwork.  
"Sir, I am practically family! Where _is he?"_ Phil asked, his voice raised.  
"If you do not calm down young man, you will be escorted from this ward," the doctor warned.  
"Do I need to spell it out for you?!" Phil shouted down the corridor after him. "I'm his _boyfriend _and now that you have forced me to announce this in the middle of a busy hallway, I would appreciate it if I could go in and see him. I know my rights, and as his boyfriend, I would like to see him," Phil declared angrily. At that moment, Phil heard a gasp. Before he had even turned around, he recognised the person. Sure enough, when he looked, he found Mrs Howell staring at him, closely followed by Andrew. It wasn't difficult to tell by the look on her face, that she had heard every word. 


	14. Rubber-Ducking Sexy

**I wasn't going to write another chapter just yet, but it's very motivational to hear feedback and I couldn't wait any longer. I have so much in store for Dan and Phil, and I can't wait to get to those parts!**

"I just don't understand why you didn't tell me sooner," said Mrs Howell, as she sat opposite her eldest son in the hospital room. Dan frowned. This wasn't how he had expected his coming out to be, although he pictured telling this story to his children in years to come, and laughing about how their father had outed them in a busy hospital hallway. Phil felt extremely guilty, and regularly exchanged apologetic gazes with Dan, who smiled reassuringly back at him.  
"Sorry," Dan replied sullenly. "I didn't know what you would say."  
"Daniel...I am not at all disappointed, or angry…only slightly hurt that you didn't tell me sooner. I understand that you didn't feel ready but I'm your Mum, Dan. I could have helped you." Mrs Howell couldn't stand that her son had been hiding his feelings for years, whilst she had constantly tried to talk to him about girls. No wonder he hadn't brought home any girlfriends.

Phil sat on the side of Dan's bed, with Dan lying against his side. Dan was quite shaken, and hadn't said much since they had arrived. Only minutes before, Mrs Howell had overheard Phil pleading with the doctors to let him in to see her son, because he was his boyfriend, and since this was something she wasn't previously aware of, she was surprised. Dan sniffed, nuzzling into Phil. He felt slightly awkward to be showing affection towards Phil whilst his mother was in the room, especially considering she had only just discovered their relationship, but at that moment, he needed comfort. Phil sensed this, and ran his long fingers along Dan's hand, intertwining them with his. Giving him a reassuring squeeze, Phil said what everyone was thinking.  
"Are you really moving to Spain?"  
Mrs Howell looked thoughtful, and somewhat reluctant to reply. She now understood why Dan had run away. She understood why he was so upset. When she was 19, her parents had moved away, but she had been unwilling to go with them, instead remaining with Dan's father…and that had only been to a few towns away. She knew that although so many people considered young love to be temporary…it didn't always feel like that, and sometimes, you were lucky enough to meet your soulmate in your teenage years.

"No," Mr Howell said, breaking the tense silence. Nobody had seen him enter the room, and Dan jumped with fright. "Son, I don't think moving away is what is best for all of us as a family. I'm not willing to take you away from Phil."  
"Yeah," Dan whispered softly. "It's not just a phase Dad-,"  
"Dan, I know. I don't care whether you're in love with a girl, or another boy. I just care that you're happy, and from what I've seen tonight, Phil _does _make you happy."  
"We're not moving?" Dan asked nervously. He was shaking with fear, yet still couldn't take in what his Dad was telling him. Not only was he accepting of his sexuality, he was also understanding of the reasons why Dan didn't want to leave Phil.  
"No," Mr Howell repeated. "We are not moving to Spain."  
Dan's heart, which had previously been racing, began to slow down. The anxious knot in his chest loosened, and tears of relief welled in his eyes. Phil brushed Dan's fringe from his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair. "See, Dan? It's going to be okay. You don't need to worry."  
Mrs Howell smiled. She had never seen Dan so comfortable in such close proximity to another person before. Seeing how he was snuggled into Phil, his eyes drooping, she could see that they had a close bond. "How long has it been?" she asked.  
"That me and Phil have been together?"  
"No, how long have you known that you're…gay?"  
"Since I was about 9," Dan replied. Seeing the surprise in his mother's eye, he quickly added, "but I've never had a boyfriend before. Just Phil."  
"Do _your _parents know?" she asked, looking at Phil.  
"No. I'm telling them this weekend when they come home," Phil replied. "They work away, so I hardly see them. They won't react so kindly though. I'm dreading it."  
Mrs Howell's heart leapt. Phil seemed like such a sweet, caring boy. Within only a few hours, she had witnessed the closeness between the two, and already, she couldn't bear to see the boy hurt…because after all, he had brought so much happiness to her son.  
"You always have a home with us," Mrs Howell answered.

The following day, Dan was allowed home. Phil had stayed with him the whole night, laying by his boyfriend's side, much to the annoyance of the angry doctor from the night before. The nurses had been so kind though, telling them that they were such a sweet couple, and sneaking them extra credit for the television beside Dan's bed.  
As soon as he was home, Dan trailed up to his bedroom and lay down. Still in his clothes from the previous night (which were covered in mud and grass stains), he kicked off his shoes and allowed Phil to pull his hoodie from over his head.  
"I'm going to run you a bath, okay?" Phil said, taking his hand, and leading Dan to the bathroom, locking the door behind them. Dan was too exhausted, both physically and mentally, to point out that this may seem strange to his parents who were in the lounge below them.  
Phil turned on the taps and held his hand beneath the water to check the temperature. Pouring in some bubble bath, he swirled the bathwater around to create bubbles, and put 2 rubber ducks from the ledge into the water.  
"Really Phil? Rubber ducks?" Dan smirked.  
"You're the one with them on your bathtub!" Phil laughed, splashing the water from his hand into Dan's face. He twisted the taps to the off position, then went to sit on the toilet seat. Dan removed his shirt, slowly and self-consciously stripping naked.  
"I'll close my eyes," Phil smiled, as he shut his eyes and faced the opposite direction whilst Dan climbed into the water.  
"So when are you going to tell your parents?" Dan asked, soaking himself with bubbles.  
"This weekend. They get back tomorrow night. I'm just going to let them do their own thing, then on Saturday I'll tell them at dinner."  
"Do you want me to be there for moral support?"  
"I think it's best you aren't there. They aren't going to react well," Phil replied sadly.  
"Denise will be there though, right?" Dan asked. He would feel better if she was there, as he knew she was a great source of comfort to Phil. She had practically been his mother since she was employed by the Lester's.  
"Yeah. She'll be there."  
"Cool," Dan answered, trying to mask his fear. Sponging down his arms, he scrubbed the mud from his elbows and lay down to dip his hair underneath the water. Phil laughed at how much of a tight squeeze it was for him to fit in the bath because of his height.  
"I thought you weren't looking!" Dan laughed as he sat back up, massaging the shampoo into his hair.  
"Sorry," Phil smirked. "You're just too damn sexy."


	15. No Son of Mine

"Your parents are at work, but they should be home for 7. Do you want to do dinner later?" Denise asked Phil as he walked through the front door. Phil hung his coat up on the banister and took off his shoes. Closing the door behind him, he nodded.  
"Sure. I thought they had agreed for 5 though? I'd have stayed at Dan's longer if I'd known."  
"Apparently there's been an 'important' phone call from some German company and they can't cancel." Denise mumbled, putting her arm around Phil's shoulder. She felt awful for him. His parents had never shown interest in him. What struck Denise as odd, was that they had _chosen _to have a child, so why didn't they love him? She couldn't deny this. They _didn't _love him, and if they did, they had a funny way of showing it…  
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Denise asked the boy. She was so nervous, and it wasn't even her that was coming out.  
"I can't hide who I am for any longer. Not even from them. I have to do this," Phil answered with a sad smile. He knew how this was going to go, he knew that by tonight he might not have a home, but he also knew that his and Dan's relationship was worth more.  
Denise nodded and sighed. "Phil, I'm so proud of you. You've used to be such a small, clumsy boy…and I've had the absolute honour of watching you grow into an intelligent, handsome teenager. I'm always here for you," she smiled as she brushed Phil's fringe from his eyes, with a motherly expression. "And no matter what happens today, that isn't going to change."  
Phil's heart leapt. Memories came flooding into his mind…memories that were good, and memories that had left him heartbroken. But throughout them all, Denise was there encouraging him, supporting him, and picking him back up after a fall.  
"Thank you. For everything," he whispered, hugging her tightly.  
Though they hadn't said anything, they were both aware that this could well be the last night Phil ever spent with his family. It felt like the end of an era. The inevitable end of what little relationship he had with them.

"Mum!" Phil smiled as his mother came through the door. "How was your day?"  
"It was very busy, Phillip. Denise, where is dinner?" Mrs Lester asked, throwing her coat into her housekeeper's arms aggressively.  
Denise tried not to show her irritation and smiled. "It's on the table, Elizabeth."  
"Harold, do hurry up with those boxes dear," Mrs Lester called to her Husband, who appeared in the doorway after her.  
"Mum, I've got something to tell you both. We're going to discuss it over dinner," Phil exclaimed quietly.  
"Phillip, you will not dictate to me what topics we discuss over our evening meal," she replied, narrowing her eyes at her son.  
"Mum, it's important."  
"I assure you, whatever you have to say is _not _as important as your father and I's business."  
"Elizabeth…" muttered Mr Lester. "I'm sure we can discuss more than just work matters for once. It's not often we see Phil…we have a lot to catch up on."  
"Harold! Do be quiet. You lower the intelligence of the entire household with your comments sometimes," Mrs Lester snapped.  
Mr Lester sighed and began to place the boxes under the stairs.  
"Don't put them there! Put them in the study, Harold!"  
Mr Lester scowled. "Elizabeth, stop ordering me around, for goodness sake!"  
"Oh, don't you start as well." She sighed, turning to face Phil. "Go on then Phillip. Tell us what you want to tell us."  
"I'd rather wait…" Phil answered nervously. His heart began to race furiously. This was it. This was make or break.  
"Phillip, you either tell us now, or you keep your mouth shut during dinner. The choice is yours. I am absolutely fed up of you and your disrespect for the business of myself and your father. We are far too busy to be listening to the pointless ramblings of a teenage boy…who quite frankly, according to his exam results, is severely lacking in sufficient intelligence to hold a decent conversation! _Goodness me. _Denise! What have you been teaching this boy? He's extremely depleted of basic manners."  
"I'm gay," Phil announced angrily and impatiently.  
Mrs Lester looked stunned. Phil could see the cogs in her brain turning as she processed this information. He watched, as she went from relaxed to furious within seconds. Mr Lester, also surprised, remained silent.  
"This is a joke, isn't it Denise?" Mrs Lester demanded. "He's lying, isn't he?"  
Denise looked gobsmacked. She had expected this sort of reaction, though from the moment Mrs Lester had walked through the door, she had been a very rude and arrogant ladydick. Moreso than usual.  
"No, Elizabeth. I think you should show a little more compassion."  
"Don't. You. DARE," she shouted. "My son is _not _gay."  
Phil felt his ears turning red and becoming warm. "Mum, I'm gay, and if you can't accept that, then I'll leave."  
"Where to? You've got nowhere to go. You have no friends, and not a single family member who'd take you!" Mrs Lester crowed manically.  
Denise rushed to Phil's side and put her arm around his shoulder. "And I'd leave with him," she announced. Mrs Lester narrowed her eyes and glared at Denise. She knew she couldn't stop her housekeeper from leaving, but she didn't care. She could easily replace her. In Mrs Lester's eyes, Denise was worthless; merely a cleaner and babysitter to a rich and superior family.  
"I'll go to Dan's," Phil whispered angrily. "His family would look after me far better than you do."  
"Who the fuck is Dan?" Mrs Lester squawked, completely disregarding her hate of vulgarity. The blood was pulsating in her temples, and her entire body visibly shook with rage. She knew what was coming next, but prayed she was mistaken.  
"My boyfriend," Phil whispered, slowly taking a step backwards in case his mother became physically violent.  
"You're not going a_nywhere. _Especially not to your_ boyfriend's _house. You either admit that this is a phase, Phillip, and never speak of this conversation again, or you can pack your bags and get the hell out of my house," Mrs Lester spat. "You're no son of mine!"  
"You can't change my sexuality. You can't terrorise me into hiding that your son is gay, so you may as well accept it."  
"You're no son of mine," she repeated. "We adopted you as a child because your mother didn't want you, and quite frankly, I don't either." 


	16. Bedtime Hugs

Phil's heart felt as though it had become unfixed from between his lungs, and was hurtling towards his toes at breakneck speed. His vision became blurred, and almost appeared as though he was swaying from side to side, though he was sure he wasn't. Overcome with nausea, the last thing he remembered was hitting the floor. When he woke up, he was in his bed with Denise by his bedside, holding a cold flannel, which she was gently pressing against his forehead.  
"You're awake," she said softly, handing him a glass of water.  
Phil nodded gently, afraid that if he made any further movement, he would throw up.  
"Are you okay?" Denise asked, squeezing Phil's hand. "Your Mum and Dad went out. We can go down and get some food if you like? You must be hungry."  
"I'm just…so confused," Phil whispered back, pulling his bedsheets up around him. He felt like he wanted to crawl under them and curl up into a tight ball. He felt so unsafe. Not because of Denise, but because of his mother. She had seemed even worse than usual today, and Phil was genuinely afraid of what new capabilities this would bring her.  
"We need to do something, Phil. This can't go on, honey. I know you don't want to tell anyone about your Mum but it's getting to the point where _I'm_ going to _have _to tell someone."  
"What happened whilst I was asleep?" Phil asked wearily. He didn't want to think about the consequences of speaking out about his mother's treatment towards him. For one thing, he had always vowed to himself that he would never give her the satisfaction of knowing she'd hurt him.

"Your Mum…she threatened to kick you out," Denise told him quietly, almost as though she was just as hurt to break this news as Phil was to hear it. "Your Dad said no," she added.  
"My dad said no?" Phil was rather surprised to hear this, as he'd thought his Dad would have taken the news worse than his mother, but apparently this wasn't the case.  
"Yes."  
"But…they're not actually my parents…" Phil felt his head becoming cloudy again and took another sip of water, swallowing the rising feeling of nausea.  
"Phil…" Denise sighed, reaching to put her arm around his shoulder.  
"Denise, just tell me what the hell is going on…please."  
"Well, yes, they are legally your parents. But they're not your birth parents, no," Denise faltered. She hated that she was having to tell him like this. He'd always made clear to the Lester's that Phil should know he was adopted, but they had ignored her, and Mrs Lester had threatened to fire her. She didn't want that. She knew she was all Phil truly had in the world; she had to be there for him.  
"Then who _are _my parents?!" Phil asked, holding back the tears. He didn't want Denise to see him cry, though she had seen it many times before. "And what about my brother?! Is he adopted?"  
"No…"  
"Why did my Mum give me up?!"  
"Phillip Michael Lester, you listen to me, and you listen hard," Denise said firmly. "Your mother did _not _give you up. 17 years ago, you and your mother were involved in a car crash. You were just a newborn baby. Another car slammed into the driver's side and killed your mother instantly. She felt no pain; she didn't suffer. You, however, were in the backseat, and you weren't hurt. The impact was taken completely by the front right side of the car." Denise let out a shaky breath. The memories of that day had haunted her for years. Sometimes, she still woke up in a panic as she relived the crash; the loss; the fear.  
"How do you know this?" Phil asked in a whisper.  
Denise looked sad…guilty almost. "I was there."

"What?" Phil said, dumbfounded.  
"I was there, Phil. We were travelling up North…further up North than here, to visit family. It was raining, which made the visibility poor…and I guess the other car just didn't see us…"  
"Your family live close to my Mum's?"  
"We have the same family, Phil. I'm your mother's older sister."

…

Phil picked up his phone and scrolled through his contacts until he found Dan's name. He tapped 'send message', and started to draft a text, though he couldn't decide how exactly to word what had happened within the last few hours. So much had happened, that Phil was having a hard time even just processing it.  
_"Hi little Llama xxx" _he typed eventually.  
"_PHILLY! I've been trying to call you! How did things go?"  
"Bad. Really bad."  
"What happened?"  
"Mum went mad. Said I'm adopted. And that my real mum didn't want me, and neither does she. I don't know what to do."  
"Did you know you were adopted?"  
"No."  
"Hang on."_

"_Mum is ringing Denise. She says you can come and live here for a while."  
"Dan, it's okay. I couldn't ask that of you."  
"Please. I don't want to sleep at night knowing you're in the same house as that bitch, when you could be tucked up next to me."  
"Dan. No."  
"If you don't come here, then I will have to come to you. I can't sit here knowing that you're with her."  
"Don't come here!"  
"Then get your arse to my house, Philly. Mum says she'll leave the key under the doormat, so let yourself in but be quiet because everyone else will be asleep. (basically just her and Dad)_

Later that night, after Phil had explained everything to Dan, Dan helped Phil unpack his bags which contained several items of clothing, pyjamas, toiletries, his camera, laptop and xbox games. As Dan was unpacking a rucksack, he unzipped the front pocket to find 6 condoms of varying 'flavours', including cherry, apple, cola and 3 Pokémon kinds.  
"Umm…Phil?" Dan smirked, holding out the 6 square packets. Phil's face turned from pale white to cherry red.  
"Oh my gosh. They're from about a year ago…seriously, I didn't-," Dan interrupted Phil's stuttering with a kiss. Pressing his lips into Phil's, his hands wandered further and further down towards his waist. Phil gasped as Dan inserted his tongue into his mouth.  
"All you have to do is ask," Dan winked. Phil laughed, placing a gentle kiss on his boyfriend's cheek.  
"I'm going to put my pyjamas on," Phil said. "Should I just do it here?"  
Dan nodded, climbing into bed. "I'll turn around."  
"No need," Phil smirked, pulling his t-shirt off and replacing it with a pyjama one. As he slid down his jeans, Dan gasped.  
"Phil…you're…big…"  
Phil giggled like a little child. "I guess so." He pulled on his pyjama bottoms and slipped into bed beside Dan, who was already in a t-shirt and boxers, snuggled under the duvet.  
"Have you ever…you know?" Dan asked sheepishly.  
"Not with a guy. Have you?"  
Dan winced. He didn't know why he had started that conversation, and mentally scolded himself for being so stupid. He hadn't had sex with a girl before, and the time with a guy didn't really count. He didn't want it to count.  
"It's okay," Phil reassured him, sensing Dan's fear and discomfort. "You don't have to answer that."  
"It's not that I don't want to tell you…" Dan whispered, snuggling into Phil. Phil could feel the tickle of each of Dan's breaths on his cheek and felt butterflies. Just little reminders like this made Phil remember how wonderfully lucky he was to have this boy in his life.  
"I know," Phil whispered. "I know, my little bear."  
"But you don't know," Dan mumbled. "You don't know."  
"Maybe…but I'll be here when you decide to tell me. Whether it be now or when we're old and grey." Dan smiled to himself at the thought of them growing old together, and felt warm and fuzzy inside that Phil saw their relationship going that far.  
"I've never told anyone," Dan replied.  
Phil twirled Dan's fringe around his fingers and stroked his hair lovingly. Wrapping his arm around Dan's neck, he pulled him into a hug. Their legs entwined, their bodies radiating heat from one to the other as they pressed against each other.  
"Is it about that time you ran away…the time before last?" Phil whispered softly, remembering what Andrew had told him. Though it was dark, Phil felt Dan nod his head.  
"Did someone…force you to do something?" Phil held his breath praying that he hadn't guessed right.  
Again, a nod.  
"Shhh, I'm here, I've got you," Phil murmured into Dan's hair. Dan nuzzled into Phil and reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers and squeezing tightly.  
"It still gets to me," Dan whispered back. "I still see it every night when I fall asleep."  
"I'll be right beside you, bear," Phil said. "Who-who did this to you?"  
"I don't know," Dan replied. "I just don't know."  
"After a moment of silent thinking, Phil spoke. "You've got _me_ now. I'm not going anywhere. I will always be here for you. We could be the next Ant and Dec! Imagine that," he laughed. "We could go to YouTube events and meet our fans, be rich and change lives…"  
"I can't do that," Dan muttered. "Nobody would want to listen to me."  
"Daniel Howell, you need to believe in yourself. You are a wonderful person, and without you, I don't know where I would be. I love you with all my heart and more. And I'll be damned if I let you fall."  
"I'm okay," Dan whispered, "…most of the time. It's just every so often something reminds me of…you know…"  
Phil nodded, softly pecking Dan's face over and over. "I love you." He felt Dan's muscle relax against his frame and ran his hand along the back of Dan's head, gently stroking each strand of hair, memorising each curve and curl. He breathed in the sweet smell of Dan's shampoo and engraved it into his mind, so that he would never forget his beautiful Dan no matter how close or far the distance between them.  
"I'm here for you, Dan," Phil whispered into his hair, kissing his head over and over. "I am not going to let you go. I'm with you all the way."  
"I love you," breathed Dan, and Phil squeezed him tightly.


	17. Young Love

The next morning, Mrs Howell opened Dan's bedroom door to check on her son, and see whether or not he was beginning to stir. She smiled to herself when she saw that he was entwined with his boyfriend, Phil. The picture before her seemed surreal. Only a few days ago, she had discovered that her son was gay. It had come as a shock at first, but when she saw how Phil made Dan happy, she had felt warm and fuzzy that Dan was in his first serious relationship. When Phil was around, Dan's eyes lit up. He paid more attention to his clothes, his hair…everything. Phil had given Dan a reason to wake up every morning. Mrs Howell hadn't seen Dan like this for a long time, and as long as he was happy, she was too.  
Phil stirred slightly, nuzzling into Dan and a smile spread across her face, as she slowly turned around and backed out the door. It appeared that the boys would be waking up soon, so she decided to give them another half an hour before she began to wake them for school.

Dan woke up to find his arms wrapped around Phil, who was snuggled into Dan's stuffed bear. He smiled to himself as he stroked Phil's fringe back from his eyes. Glancing at the clock, Dan realised it was 7am, which meant they were supposed to be at school in just over an hour.  
"Phil," he whispered softly into his boyfriend's ear. "You need to wake up now, lion."  
Phil grumbled quietly and snuggled against Dan's chest. "Mmmm…don't want to," he murmured, slowly opening his eyes and gazing up at Dan who was balanced on his elbow staring into those big brown eyes.  
"We have to," Dan said, planting a kiss on his nose. "We can't both be off school, people will get suspicious!"  
"Ah, let them," Phil mumbled, blinking innocently at the grinning boy looming over him.  
"_Phil_," Dan whined, "We need to, come on." He forced himself out of bed and pulled on Phil's hand. Phil slowly followed and wrapped his arms around Dan, kissing him on the cheek, then brushing his head along Dan's face, returning his lips to meet Dan's. He felt Dan smile as he kissed him, lightly at first, then more fiercely.  
"You okay?" Phil asked as their mouths parted. Dan said nothing, but gave a small nod.  
"Better now that I have you by my side through the night as well as through the day," Dan smiled. "Cheesy, I know."  
"We've got 3 separate classes today…" Phil moaned. "I'm going to miss you."  
"It's only three hours!"  
"Yeah."  
"I'm gonna miss you too."

The two boys parted ways to get dressed, then gathered their school bags from Dan's bedroom floor. Dan picked up Phil's school blazer from the floor and slipped it on.  
"I want to be close to you, even when we're apart," Dan whispered, placing his own blazer over Phil's shoulders, running his fingers along his jagged scars. "You, Phillip Lester, are one exceptional person and I love you more than words could ever say."  
"When you two are done being soppy, Mum's made pancakes," Andrew called from the hallway.  
"Fuck off, Andrew!" Dan shouted back.  
"Language, boys!" Mr Howell interjected. "Daniel, you've got 10 minutes to have breakfast and get to school! You too, Phillip! You're not going to get away with playing truant as long as you're living in this house!"  
Phil grinned to himself, honoured that he was already being considered part of the family, even if that meant he would be told off just the same. The two boys trailed downstairs and picked up a couple of pancakes before rushing out of the door after Andrew.

"Was Dan wearing Phil's school blazer?" Mrs Howell asked to no-one in particular. "And Phil was wearing Dan's?"  
"Young love, dear," Mr Howell replied with a grin. 


	18. A Letter From Dad

**A/N: I apologise for such a delay in this chapter. I have unfortunately been unwell, and have had to spend a few weeks in hospital. However, I am slightly better now...enough to be writing again!**

Life in the Howell household carried on as normal, the only difference being an extra person to cook for. Each morning, Dan slowly woke up and gradually tried to prise his eyes open, whilst mumbling in response to his Mum's nagging. Each morning, he rolled over and felt the weight of dread that he had woken up into another day of school. But each morning, after becoming more alert, he opened his eyes and allowed his eyes to slowly focus. And each morning, less than half a metre away from him, sometimes entwined in his arms, was Phil. At that moment, in his first few moments of consciousness, his heart skipped, and he remembered just how blessed he was. He always woke up before his boyfriend, and it often took many soft nudges to wake him. He'd gaze lovingly into Phil's eyes as he first opened his eyes and watch as his adorable smile spread across his face. Phil's smile was beautiful…adorable, and every time Dan saw it (which had been more and more ever since he'd left home), he felt warm and fuzzy.

Phil hadn't heard from his parents since the night he came out to them. Though he assured Mrs Howell that he was okay with it, and no he didn't need to talk about it, on the inside it was tearing him apart. He knew his Mother, or the woman he had come to know as his Mother, was a lost cause, but he had remained hopeful that his Father would at least try and contact him. Little did he know, his father had been attempting to send him letters every week for the entire length of time they had not spoken.  
Each week, Mrs Lester assured her Husband that she had posted his mail, and for a while, Mr Lester suspected nothing at all. His suspicions only began when he found a postcard he had written a few weeks previously hidden under rug in their bedroom when vacuuming. Confronting his wife, he asked if she had posted all of his letters, and she assured him that she had. Then it clicked. She hadn't been posting them. Feeling betrayed, Mr Lester retreated into his study and drafted yet another letter to the son he missed so dearly. This time, he decided, he would post it himself.

_My Dear Son,_

_I cannot apologise enough for your Mother's recent behaviour, or rather the behaviour you have been subjected to for a long, long time. Additionally, this brings me on to my own apology; Phil, I cannot ever make it up to you for the childhood you have missed out on, or the love that you truly deserved. I am sorry that I never shielded you from your Mother's rage. I hope by the end of this letter, you will have a better understanding of why things have come to this, and perhaps even why I deserted you on so many occasions for a business I truly had no interest in. All I ask of you, is that you read this in its entirety.  
I have sent many letters to you over the past few months, and although the case may be that you have chosen to ignore them, I have recently become concerned that your Mother has been intercepting them. In case this is the truth, I have planned to post this personally, throughout the night, ensuring that she has no opportunity to sabotage it. At least this way, I will know for sure.  
By now, I am sure Denise has filled you in on a great deal of the truth, and I am hopeful that this is the case. You deserve answers Phil, and although she has probably given you as much information as she felt she could, she is an extremely loyal person, and I am almost certain that she will not have told you the _entire _truth. She is a remarkable woman, and I hope very much that you still contact her regularly, even now that your home is with Daniel.  
The truth is, that when you were a young baby, your biological Mother unfortunately passed away after receiving multiple injuries in a car crash. I understand that this may open up fresh wounds, and perhaps cause new grief. If it is any consolation to you, your Mother did not suffer. She went quickly, and without pain. She loved you, Phil. You were perfect to her…bloody hell, you could have been a serial killer and she'd have continued to stand by you no matter what. Unfortunately, during her teenage years, your Mother experienced incredible suffering at the hands of a life-threatening eating disorder. At 17, she was told she would never be able to have children. Before you, she suffered 6 miscarriages, and one stillborn child. I watched as she picked herself up each time, and never lost hope that one day she would have a baby. 5 years after she began to try for a child, she found out she was pregnant for the 8__th__ time. She didn't build her hopes up, but she would read to her little bump ever night, and protectively cover her body with her arms no matter how safe the situation she was in. Nothing would come in the way of her and her miracle. When you were born, she cried for hours. She was so relieved. You were healthy, and she was a Mother. Every day that followed, she would sing to you, hold you close, and soothe you every time you cried. I told her so many times that she was too soft with you, but she insisted that her little miracle deserved the world, and she vowed she would give you just that.  
Your Mother was someone that I was very close to. I loved her very much, and we wed shortly after her 18__th__ birthday.  
I was in a lecture at university when she called me to tell me that she was in labour. I rushed to her side and held her hand as you were born. Though the Mother you have come to know is your adoptive mother, I am your biological Father, and that is something that has always filled me with great pride. Each day, I count my blessings that you did not suffer the same fate as your beautiful Mother. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.  
The day your Mother, my wife, died, I went to the supermarket with a very precise list of our weekly shop. After I returned home, I began unpacking, and it was then that my phone buzzed. When I saw her name on the screen, I panicked. Was there something wrong? Were you ill? Was she ill?  
But it wasn't your Mother that spoke. It was Denise, her sister. Denise explained what had happened. She sobbed as she told me how the car had skidded, how the driver's side of the car was destroyed, and how my wife had been declared dead at the scene. I was in shock. I did the best I could to survive the worst situation, and I pushed her from my mind. I focused everything on you. Denise assured me that you were okay, and that social services had taken you to safety after being checked over at hospital. I stayed on the phone with your Aunt until she fell asleep, then I drove out to collect you. I brought you home, and grieved.  
The woman you now know to be your Mother, was the woman I met less than a year later. She knew that I was easily influenced during this time, vulnerable. I had just lost the love of my life, and now had a baby to raise alone. We married shortly after we met, and though she was nothing compared to your Mother, I was in love. However, once we were married, her motives became clear to me. She would fly into a temper and threaten to hurt you. She would go out drinking each night and gamble away whatever money I brought home. She didn't love me; she needed someone to financially rely on. Her Father was a good man, a rich man, but he didn't trust her with a single penny of his money. He sat me down, and he told me that he would understand if I left his daughter. He was concerned that she was a danger to you, and he knew that she couldn't make me happy. He knew that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fix her. She was out of control, but I insisted that I could manage, and vowed to try and help her. One day, she pushed you down the stairs as you tried to crawl down step by step. You had only began to walk a few months earlier, and you were shaky. She became angry with me, and in return, hurt you. Your Grandfather immediately removed you from her care as soon as he found out. He gave you and me a safe place to live, and promised me he would help me with all of the divorce proceedings if that was what I truly wanted. Once again, I foolishly assured him that I would stay by his daughter, and instead, he paid for her anger therapy. It was about then that I was made redundant at work. Your Grandfather offered me a job within his business, and for the first time, I was able to buy you new clothes and new toys, even when your Mother blew the rest on gambling and drink. After a few weeks of therapy, she seemed calmer, and we returned home to her. I respected your Grandfather, and was thankful for all he did for us. In return, I did all I could for him with his business. When he died, he left the business to me. I felt like I owed him. I put everything into running his business and eventually it became my life, and I became unhappy. I was diagnosed with depression, and eventually, I gave up and accepted that this was the life I had built for myself. I was furious at myself for what I had done. I convinced myself that you were better off without me, and employed Denise as housekeeper after she left her job as a lawyer because of her grief for your biological Mother. I thought it would do her good to look after you, and it did. For both of you. She did an amazing job in raising you, Phil, but each day I am filled with regret that it wasn't me that took you to your first day of school, or taught you to ride a bike. You were raised with the knowledge that my wife was your Mother. I had hoped it would calm her down, and perhaps even feel more affection towards you. Unfortunately, it did not._

_I have never had the opportunity to tell you my thoughts on you coming out to me, and I need you to know that I am in absolutely no way ashamed in you.  
Phillip Michael Lester, you are a courageous man, and I am so very proud of you. You are far braver than I could ever be. You're so much like your real Mother. You have her bravery, her strength, and her eyes.  
It doesn't matter who you fall in love with. It makes no difference to me who you love, and I know your Mother will be looking down on you with pride. All I care about is that whoever you choose to love treats you well. Daniel sounds like a charming young man. Denise told me a lot about him. You're both almost 18, yes? That means you'll be leaving home, and as your Father, I am buying you your first house…no arguments! You and Dan deserve a life that I never had the chance to have; a happy marriage, and a peaceful life filled with many memories with each other and your children. Don't think you're let off from giving me grandchildren, Mr Lester! But for goodness sake, use protection, will you? I caught Chlamydia from my first girlfriend, and let me tell you, my pee stick was oozing for weeks until I plucked up the courage to have it checked out. It was _not _a pretty sight, or smell for that matter.  
Finally, if you take anything from this letter Phil, take this; I love you no matter what. It's going to be okay, I promise. If you let me, I want to be there for you in the way that I never have been. Your Mother would be so disappointed in me. And as for your adopted Mother, she won't be my Wife for much longer. I am yet to break the news, but I will. Phil, please let me into your life. I know I don't deserve it, and you have every right to refuse._

_I hope this finds you, and Dan, well._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Dad._


End file.
